Staying Awake...

my new personal blog

2010-01-10T13:37:00.000+08:00

sushilinguini.blogspot.com

i regret the previous post

2009-11-30T03:10:00.001+08:00

...and am at a lost. you're definitely not the worst friend ever. Sorry.

and i most certainly don't hate you. today as i shopped around jurong point, too many things reminded me of you. to kill a mockingbird toy factory poster. winnie the pooh stampers. disney princess files. i stared at the last ones so hard that my friend who was with me asked me if i would like him to buy one for me.

i don't hate you and i don't want to. but i don't want you walking all over me either.
maybe it's over for you, but i'm still stuck. because i'm not sick of you, just hurt.

it's tiring to keep begging you. and even worse, to keep getting misunderstood. but i am still the same girl who knows you.

i know what you want.

you want me to say that i'm typing this because i treasure our friendship, which i do. but more than that- read on, even tho you always hate it when i say things like this- i just want to love you for who you are, no matter what happens. and that doesn't mean i have to agree with every single thing you do. or feel that i am letting you down when i don't force myself to do unnecessary things which i hate doing, just for you. that is not to say that i think you're an unreasonable person. in many ways, i have let you down with my own inconsistency. it's also failure on my part to let you believe that my definition of friendship has diverged from yours.

to cut a long story short, i never meant to take you for granted. but at the same time, i just want to be myself, and not feel obliged to say things for the sake of pleasing you, especially to the extent that it is not even good for you. you know... i feared you a lot. feared you so much. it started with a fear of losing you. i have no idea how that feeling evolved. yes, i've 'suddenly' decided to curb that fear and to stop feeding it. but that doesn't mean i don't care about you anymore. i'm just basing my love for you on something else. something better.

so the best i can do now is really just... wait for you.

meanwhile, as i long for the day of your return, i shall do the very thing which you despise the most... (and however much this may irritate you, i'll still say it)

i pray... i pray...
that the day will come when you realise that your definition of love and mine converge.

i loved you. i love you. i always will...

An angry, image-tarnishing post

2009-11-29T11:13:00.004+08:00

I used to be really curious about the various blog services which are available for free, like Blogspot, Xanga, Freeopendiary, Wordpress, Ebloggy, Typepad, Tumblr, Livejournal, Blogdrive, Posterous, etc. There are just so many that it’s mind-bogging! On top of that, social networking sites (like Facebook) allow you to post entries (e.g. “Notes”) which are not unlike blog posts and Myspace also has blog service as part of the package. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve relocated my blog over the years. Even at Blogspot itself, I’ve probably changed my blog name more than 20 times. I bet some of you can still remember the more recent ones like “fatblogslim”, “bgirl-glowiee”, “tofubling”, “lil-ms-trashy” and “robopixi”. It’s simply crazy!

But I’m done with my nonsense. I’m settling down right here, I promise, and I’m consolidating all the random stuffs I’ve left all over the place! So from now on, expect super regular updates of ultra original material from me.
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do not read if you haven’t known me for more than 2 years:

I have a simple confession to make! That is I’ve been feigning ignorant for a very long time. If I ever came across as confrontational to some of you, trust me when I say that’s just the tip of the iceberg. It’s really nothing compared to the shit which I could sense was going on behind my back.

Too often I ended up staring into blank space and walking around in a daze, consumed by angry thoughts, wondering WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP ME IN THE DARK AND BELIEVE IT’S THE BEST FOR ME, WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP ME IN THE DARK BELIEVING IT’S THE BEST FOR ME, WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP ME IN THE DARK BELIEVING IT’S THE BEST FOR ME!!!!!?????

And I wonder all the time, “is it my fault?”

I tried to cook up excuses for them, like, “maybe they know that I know”, “perhaps they think I am as stupid as I look”, and “it might be that they were traumatised by the previous violent tendencies I’ve displayed.”

RIGHT.

Now I know that they have simply chosen the easy way out. THEY KEPT ME IN THE DARK BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT HOW I WOULD FEEL. They just wanted to manipulate me into behaving in such a way that would complement their screwed up lives.

I won’t let it happen again.

TO EVERYONE READING THIS: BEING KEPT IN THE DARK (AND FINDING OUT ABOUT IT) IS A MILLION TIMES WORSE THAN BEING TOLD A FLAT-OUT LIE. DON’T DO IT.

SO WHAT IF I’VE CHANGED. I’ve changed for the better. Oh, I’m so sorry that I’ve changed for the better! I’m sorry that I’m more mellowed down, and trying hard to be humble, I’m sorry that people who are genuine and sincere have come along and loved me and moved me into wanting to be better, I know you think I don’t deserve it! Why am I such a lucky B****!?

Don’t worry though, because the angry daredevil, that monster that you liked so much, is still inside me. I’ve tamed it but it’s still inside and this side of me has been reserved to write this specially for you. Do you like what you’ve read so far? ;) KNOW WHAT? YOU SHOULD BE THANKFUL THAT I TRY AND WANT TO PLEASE GOD, BECAUSE FOR HIM I MAY FIND IT IN MYSELF TO FORGIVE YOU ONE DAY.

BUT I WOULD RATHER FORGET YOU. I BET THAT WOULD BE TEN THOUSAND TIMES EASIER.

I’ve cried many times when talking about you. You are definitely not worth it, considering you’re the lousiest friend ever, but thanks for the lesson!

#87 i'm a SIM GE student blogger!

2009-09-22T01:25:00.001+08:00

I have shifted. <<< do check out the new blog thanks! :]

alternatively, you can go here , try to find my face and click on it.

but it's still best that

you go straight to

my new blog.

#86 Munchie Monkey with Hui Qi!

2009-09-06T17:14:00.006+08:00

Catching up with my Care Group leader!

It's always nice to talk to someone wise who sincerely cares about me, sees beyond my troubles and understands my struggles. I felt relieved telling her everything, trusting that she wouldn't tell anyone.

Thank you... ♥

#85 Shin Tokyo @ CityVibe

2009-09-05T18:28:00.001+08:00

#84 Fun with speech bubbles

2009-09-04T01:28:00.002+08:00

A short post on that awesome BBQ mentioned in entry #80.

Kim and Marianne having fun with a pillar.

Daryl having fun with a small lil bike. =_="'

Not so funny if you don't know Jon Ma.

Time for revenge.

A jealous guard.

#83 edit: big news

2009-08-30T02:13:00.004+08:00

i have to resit for econs and biz law next year. i've alr told my mom that i am going to give up working com.plete.ly, besides giving tuition here and there. good and bad thing. *opens arms to welcome student life*

#82 hypocrisy

2009-08-30T01:08:00.002+08:00

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”
- Mahatma Gandhi

today this quote speaks to me. hard as i may try to be a good christian, i fail terribly, do silly things and am guilty of hypocrisy.

i tried.
i tried to focus on grace even when i was burning with rage, but i kept slipping up and did things the wrong way for the wrong reasons, for myself.

i found myself numb and programmed to serve my own pride.
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Anyways, earlier today I was clearing my shelves when I found this notebook which I used to scribble in back when I was in J1. Its content was some of my favourite perspectives from an interesting book by Dr Ng King Kang. I cannot quite remember the title of that book, but I felt moved all over again as I read my notebook. So I thought I could share some here:

On friendship:
两个人之间的相处，最大忌就是take each other for granted。我们都太习惯太理所当然地对待各种人与事，久了以后，一点点最基本的尊重都开始解体，什么事情都以为没关系，反正朋友一定会原谅你。
“挥之则来，呼之则去”

On“forever”/eternity:
什么是永远? 其实我自己也不知道, 但想像中永远应该就是天长地久海枯石爛、天涯海角海誓山盟，永恒长远的意思。就是说生生世世，生死相随，一直到死掉那一天，都还在做着当时说永远做的事。
不要随便说永远，因为永远太远。

On lousy attitudes:
你们这些温室里的小花，一点风雨都承受不了，以后怎么成为社会国家的栋梁? 功课多就少看一点电视，时间不够就少睡一点，有书读是一种幸福，有些人要读书都没有机会，真是身在福中不知福。

Excuse vs Reason:
功课/工作做不完
借口是，要做的实在太多，可用的时间总是太少。
理由是，自己精神不定，把时间花在不该花的地方, 因此总是事倍功半。

On something which happens only once in a lifetime:
爱虽然没有理由, 但却有过程和结果，而过程往往扣人心弦、刻骨铭心，结果最叫人撕心裂肺、难以忘怀。你现在可以选择爱或不爱，都无所谓，由你。但相信我，感觉到真正的爱，真正感觉到爱，只会有那么一次。

The challenge:
要承认自己所有的过去，才能够面对现在的自己。

#81 when it's pointless to say anything else.

2009-08-24T14:14:00.004+08:00

Mysterious ways

Why God gave his life
To put motion inside my soul

It's bigger than cold religion
It's bigger than life

Love is the movement
Love is a revolution
This is redemption
We don't have to slow back down
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whenever i feel hurt, this 4-letter word never fail to soothe me. let not a day past without me being thankful for His love.

You forgive me as i forgive the people that wronged me. :]

#80 awesome BBQ

2009-08-10T23:59:00.003+08:00

hey there. spent the whole of today editing pics, showing up for class outing and... whatnots. uhm. still not done with the picture editing yet. but anyways, sunday's BBQ was so awesome (and involved so much DUNKING)!

long day tmr. gotta wake up at 6am for work. and after that i still gotta give tuition. crazyy. therefore i can't really elaborate much now about that awesome BBQ ytd... so plz make do with this pic for now. haha :]

#79 chillin'

2009-08-09T13:51:00.025+08:00

anyone tried Yeo's Green Bean Soy Bean? it tastes exactly like the Green Bean drink my mother makes to cool us down in hot weather. my bro hates it. haha.
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caught half blood prince with solihin last thu! think it was the last day showing in cinema. i brought along the gryffindor scarf jessica made for me. :D

after movie and dinner, we has starbucks for supper. oreo cheesecake and green tea cream. i'm on a quest to try all flavours of those cheesecakes at starbucks. muaha.
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my childish side:

junks which cheer me up! just coz they are cute and small. not that i like to eat them. lol. totally not giving them a lot of credit here. haha but it's a fact.

my terrible tantrums. once, i got into a destructive mood and started unscrewing the shelves in my room. then dumped them in a corner like this.=_=
childish right? i know.

zoom in to those words on my wall.
"Where can you run to escape from yourself?"
yes, it's from the song "dare you to move" by desiree's favourite band, switchfoot. i wrote them some time ago to remind myself to face reality regardless of whether i feel brave or weak. but my bro said it's emo.
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national day celebration in the neighbourhood last sunday.
my mom and i decided to check it out altho we bought tix for neither the dinner nor the carnival games.

my mom.
the neighbourhood hadn't looked so lively for a very long time.
tho it looks like my mom is all alone in this pic. haha

illegal parking.

very important person.

looking at those people all busy at the side of the tent. i wonder if they got a sense of satisfaction after this whole event was over? quite cool, ain't it, if you think about it. i mean serving.

Mom talking to a friendly lady, who is also Wan Ting's mom. That guy in the air was totally eavesdropping. HAHA.

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wed i went to shin tokyo at century square for halal sushi with 2 sim schoolmates, clare and nadya. i was very late because my supervisor released me late from work. sorry! :(
expensive meal we had. it costed way more than having sushi buffet. just coz they had no pork and lard. gimme a break! but whatever. at least it's halal. and we were not restricted to eat during specific times as in sushi buffet. haha.

note to nadya, you can click on the pic for larger view.
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thu gathering with long time pals from secodnary sch was great. except that i said the dunkin donuts which christine got especially for us were disappointing. okay, i didn't say disappointing. i said "cui", which naturally annoyed xtine. anyone tried those supposedly legendary dougnuts yet? your take?

anyhow. her adorable rabbits.

baobao is grey.

baobei is brown. with pink ears.
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mission festival ytd was a wake-up call, man.
to not be passive and to not wallow in self-pity.

preparing to go for a BBQ now!
share more when i get back.

on a sidenote, sincerely hoping andrew had an awesome 29th.
coz i love him
and can't wait to see him get dunk into the pool later.

#78 nice pink stuffs iLike.

2009-08-03T23:57:00.008+08:00

this is way overdue.
my com died last month and most of my stuffs are still all over the place.

stuffs which daph gave me randomly last month :]

Awesome Gift 1.

Awesome Gift 2.

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"...I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you."
-Genesis 12:3

#77 bake bake bake bake

2009-07-28T22:29:00.015+08:00

baking at des' last wed was fun.
we made cookies and muffins!

the cookie dough (not pictured) and the muffin dough were both delicious.
i kept saying to des that we should just throw them into vanilla ice cream
and eat it as if it was ben and jerry's.

heating things up~~~

getting over and done with the washing.

anticipation.
and a pretty neat oven that was.
it's a water oven which cooks stuffs with steam.

muahahaha.

hey muffins♥!

shoutout to des:
you look ghostly in this entry. serve you right for dodging my cam.
anw, when can we bake tgt again?

#76 random lil pic taken in church.

2009-07-22T01:30:00.010+08:00

physically tired. that's the usual nowadays.

ANYWAYS

just thought i could share a picture taken in church last sun. it's some of us young adults, with the real adults (haha) who take care of us. there were many faces missing, for various reasons.

random little moment i guess. we were doing a farewell video for pastor tim...

#75 sending some love

2009-07-21T00:41:00.008+08:00

yay yay finally sent the parcels to chuncheon south korea and washington usa!

to save money i didn't register them and chose surface over air mail.

i hope they go thru. *prays*

------------

i text a postcard, sent to you

did it go through?

sending all my love to you...

p.s. i know my eyelashes look fake. but i can't resist!!! muahahaha.

#74 L U V unltd

2009-07-18T01:38:00.005+08:00

so i am working 8 hours a day at a fastfood restaurant
with no break in between except for a 15 min lunch + toilet break.
hard work, meagre pay.
got a fever last wed and nose bleed this wed.
a quick check with supervisor and co-workers confirmed that it's "normal"
coz they got them too
from all the toasting,
stress during peak hours,
long hours of intensive labouring
and whatever $#!+. =___=

on tue and thu i'm also giving tuition for 1 hour.
tbh, it's pretty tiring for me.
mentally exhausting, i must say,
since i'm rather used to holding my peace
even when people act or speak ignorantly!
just don't have the habit of
correcting people and explaining stuffs haha. v_v

feel soooo bad for showing up ill 3 lessons in a roll tho.
will get well soon. promise promise.

so on tue, i was on my way home, after 9 hours of work.
i was waiting for the MRT,
staring out into the sky,
feeling depleted and jaded.
had it been 2 years ago, it would have been
"depleted, jaded AND lonely",

but i wasn't lonely.
i didn't for a second wish that there could be
someone else
to go through this for/ with
me.

i breathed in deeply
and it was slightly shaky.
so tired. so very tired.
and so, i sighed...

...and then suddenly, everything made perfect sense.
because for a split second, i did think,
"how nice it would be
if
i could get out of this hell,"
but then, i caught myself.

when was life supposed to be easy?
that's the whole point isn't it?

when i had an office job, nice pay, easy tasks,
i complained that it's too boring.
when i wasn't working at all,
i found the idling very torturous,
especially when i kept engaging in useless pursuits
instead of doing art
or cleaning up my room as i had so badly desired to.
it also felt horrible
to spend more of my parents hard-earned cheese.

guilty.

and it struck me, though i'd always known.
that my life was in fact filled with blessings.
i have shelter over my head,
i never have to starve,
i get to go to university,
i have my family and friends.

most importantly, i've learnt to accept myself,
and broken reasonably free from materialism.

the "problemsss" i thought i was facing were in fact "a problem".
the only substantial problem is my sense of discontentment.

i prided myself as almost a "minimalist".
haven't bought clothes since chinese new year,
haven't bought a bag since 2 CNY ago..

i thought i wasn't in want.
but it's not true.

i was painfully conscious that
all the things in this world
are never going to be enough for me.
thus i held back,
determined to get a grip while i could.

nevertheless, i only knew what it was that i DIDN'T want.
and what it was that i needed.
somehow i still served the wrong purpose everyday
and i got confused about what it was that i was searching for...

until i looked to the sky and sighed.
for the bottomless pit i have for a heart,
at least there is this love
abundant like the sky.

it evens out, i guess...

#73 Father's Day Post as promised.

2009-06-26T03:03:00.012+08:00

this is my fam at "diao xiao er" west coast plaza.

My dearest grandparents, favourite uncles, and favourite aunt.

we seemed more interested in our drinks than the ginseng duck. sad.

our precious ones eating. :)))

broccoli scallop, sharkfin with crab flesh, codfish, abalone, sea cucumber, jiangnan prawns...
didn't realise we were having THAT much seafood. haha. seriously... i mean even DUCKS belong to a pond or something.

cod fish was everyone's favourite that night. (least favourite was the prawns. good thing i don't eat prawns anyway.)

dessert at dian xiao er was ginseng hashima (人參雪蛤). it's nice but very bitter. i ended up with a serious craving for sweet stuffs. forced my uncle and aunt to take me to starbucks jurong point. heh. check out the mocha cheese cake. and my green tea cream. :D

#72 alamak! poop Windows Vista

2009-06-22T02:56:00.007+08:00

GarbageAfter re-watching a video which my friends had done some time ago for a school project, I decided that it was too goooood to be not on Youtube. The only problem was that it was way too long (okay, by 25 seconds), since duration-wise, Youtube only allows videos which are 10 minutes or below. So, I had to spend about 1 hour just to tastefully shorten it by 25 seconds. And then...

the programme suddenly "stopped responding"...

Just to quote Ryan:

tsk tsk.

So no video today. Maybe tomorrow. For a teaser, it's entitled "Nothing Ever Seems to be Enough".

P.S. Father's Day was awesome. We made grandpa so happy!
P.S. 2 Been addicted to watching "My Melody" on Youtube these days.

#71 B

2009-06-16T14:44:00.007+08:00

Last Saturday, Espresso had steamboat with her uncle and aunt at Chinatown! Espresso had sooo much seafood, only to realise that seafood is really not her cup of tea~~ She only likes the B's--- bacon, beef and broccoli... and b-boy ryanimay haha.

After that they went for "authentic" dessert at Mei Heong Yuen (Temple Street), although Espresso was all bloated and begging for noooo mooore. They had Walnut Paste(Yummy!) and Yam Snow Ice(Errr).

End of boringness. :)

#70 Back to Kindergarten

2009-06-13T16:02:00.010+08:00

Espresso met up with her secondary school friends on Thursay at Novena Square. She had her dinner before she went there so that she could save money. Nevertheless, Char, Xtine and JX were having their dinner at Food Junction when Espresso reached. Espresso stole a bit of JX's korean rice. It was delicious. After they went to have Ben & Jerry's. The serviettes (however you spell it)there were pretty. Espresso and JX shared a MixNMatch. The flavours were Cookies and Cream, Chunky Munky and something cheesecake. Espresso chose caramel source over fudge! JX hated it.

Friday Sandart Animation class was boring. Sighs.

WHATEVAAAA. Weekend is here. Time to go burn someone else's money or something. Hurray!!! Muacks.
------------

Happy 26th Birthday, Daniel "Ryanimay" Conferido.
My favourite awe-inspiring role model. He just went parachuting at Hawaii 3 days ago. Hee. Crazyy. That's what I love about him.

#69 More wasting of holiday :)

2009-06-13T02:01:00.007+08:00

I doubt I am doing this entry with any purpose in mind at all. Lol!

The Crab Flower Club
Last Thursday, Espresso went to watch The Crab Flower Club at The National Library Drama Centre. Espresso immensely enjoyed The Crab Flower Club because the props and costumes were aesthetically pleasing, and the usage of flowery language was entertaining too. The best part had to be that Espresso got to watch the show for free because she had helped to distribute programme booklets and collect donation.

The Stingy MP
Shockingly, one MP refused to make any donation! Outrageous, isn’t it?
“He must so damn stingy...” someone hissed into Espresso’s ear.
“Either that or he’s just peeved that no one recognised him,” another muttered.
Way to make yourself celebrity of the night, Mr MP!
P.S. If you wanna know who he is, just tag me and I will reply at your blog.

Wasted Trip
The next day, Espresso received an e-mail in response to her job application. She thought that she was shortlisted for that particular vacancy which she had applied for, but a trip to the recruitment agency proved that it was just for another standard profile registration procedure. Wasted trip, from Jurong to Orchard, especially when Espresso was already registered with that particular agency!

Small World...
After that annoying registration, it was time to go to school for her first Sandart Animation lesson. As Espresso was gobbling down her favourite Chicken Cream Pasta for a quick dinner, Justin called to say that he saw Xtine at The Drama Centre...

Terminator Salvation
Over the weekend, Espresso and SoleZ went to catch Terminator Salvation. Espresso loved it! In her opinion, Marcus Wright the cyborg portrayed by Sam Worthington had somehow overshadowed Christian Bale’s character, John Connor. Equally fascinating was that Marcus’s love interest in the movie was played by a beautiful part-Korean actress, Moon Bloodgood. Overall, it was a reasonably interesting and meaningful movie with spectacular cinematic effect. On a side note, the popcorn and drink combo which SoleZ bought came with a cute Moo pencil case. Espresso is looking forward to using it when school reopens.

Hurray...
The following Monday to Wednesday was basically just sleeping, eating, playing with new scanner (much thanks to Espresso Mama, Espresso loves her very much) and surfing the net. Sigh, it’s a good life. On Wednesday, Espresso also received a call from lovely Aunt Irene. Espresso confided in Aunt Irene, who said a prayer for her. Then on Thursday, Espresso miraculously received a message that her ex-colleague was looking for a tutee for her 2 kids. Espresso took up the assignment eagerly. YAY! Please pray that it will go smoothly, and that Espresso does her job responsibly. =)

#68 Espresso :]

2009-06-03T23:02:00.025+08:00

Holiday already! I am slowly but surely getting into the mooood.

Espresso had a sumptuous meal with her parents last Sunday! They had Thailand style fried fish, Pork Spareribs and Yam Basket. It’s been a lifetime since Espresso last eaten so heartily because she had been so stressed up by exams.

After dinner, Espresso Papa drove the family to Clark Quay where he dropped Espresso and her mama off to walk and talk. They walked from pub to pub but entered none. Espresso told her mom what Mackazoid had said about Hooters ("you mean that's supposed to be sexy!?") and Espresso Mama found it hilarious. They also checked out the people Bungee Jumping and later, The Central shopping centre. It was really boring for Espresso but she was glad to be catching up with her mom.

Later, Espresso met up with SoleZ to borrow his Xbox. He also lent her 5 games and carried the Xbox to her doorstep with her.

Activating the norm of reciprocity, Espresso woke up at 5.30am the next day to accompany SoleZ to Outram Park, where he then took a shuttle bus to his camp. Then, Espresso got home to play the very old-school Theme Hospital on her PC and do some housework. Her poor mom had to work slightly overtime and brought home lunch late.

As a result, Espresso was late in meeting J by 1 hour. He was very pissed. Nevertheless, they watched Night at The Museum 2, had dinner and then went to the arcade till 10pm.

Espresso and J talked about "love" and disagreed. They
concluded that they would never fall for each other.

Why do people go into a relationship? Espresso believes that “feeling”
is way too shallow a reason…

#67 economics theory

2009-06-03T02:54:00.004+08:00

this is sad.

XY:
but there is a economics theory that most good-looking people are also smart
and since they are smart, probably rich as well

WJ:
what kind of economics theory is that

XY:
because most women would want a husband who can provide for the family well
so usually, the rich men will do well in that
and for them to be rich, they must be smart as well
so these smart rich men, of course would prefer good-looking women as well
and since they are rich, they got higher chance to getting a good-looking wife
so end up, when they have children
the children would have smart genes, and good looking genes combined
so they become smart and pretty

WJ:
whose theory is that?!

XY:
haha it some economics explanation
to explain why smart people tend to be good-looking

#66 grr.

2009-05-30T20:40:00.011+08:00

Congratulations to Daphane, Justin, Jing Xian, Christine and Charlene!
All of you have a diploma now. I'm so jealous! :]
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Message by Victoria.
Forwarded to me by Alicia.

hey aly :)

the day wanjing left i was so upset
i had to tell ryan . he answered back the same day wondering if anyone knew what happened to her .
well yesterday i told ryan an update about how wanjing came back on facebook . he was soo thrilled to see that she came back lol . he even asked me what happened in the first place again but i told him it was almost impossible to answer that . he then told me he even asked you haha but you wouldn't tell him either . well i just wanted to share this nice story to you and how he cares for you, wanjing, and the questies out there too . talk to you later ^_^

your questie sis,
Victoria Hoang

------------

Well, my exams ended yesterday. To be honest, I was in a profound shock when the day of the last paper arrived. Whenever I felt like that, I would just want to be alone. However, I had agreed to catch a movie with Clare and Nadya after our last paper. It wouldn't be too nice to back out last minute, I guess. It would be weird.

After our last paper yesterday at crowded Expo, we kind of lingered there for a while because the queues at all the ladies there were looong with all the exams, sales and exhibitions that were going on. I'm glad that I managed to catch Ezra and James to say goodbye to them as it was their final year. Coincidentally, I also saw Ming Min, who was working for one of the exhibitions. So I conveniently asked why she had been ignoring my messages. Pffft.

On the way to Century Square with Clare and Nadya, I confessed that I didn't have enough Mula. They thought that was why I had contemplated backing out. Nadya generously agreed to lend me the money. When we reached there, we had "dinner". Woo how interesting. I only had Red Ruby, simply coz I didn't want to borrow that much Mula. In between, I returned Solihin (aka super awesome pal)'s call, who agreed to lend me his Xbox. Amanda, Jiahao and Christine messaged to congratulate me on my new found freedom, which only goes to show that I must have whined a lot about my exams (and that I have nice friends, which goes without saying). Christine also called to say hi. During dinner, Nadya was talking about The Veronicas, and Clare agreed that they were good. I asked Nadya if she liked The Ting Tings and she said no. Oh dear. I gave The Veronicas a listen just now anyways. Errr. Well, the movie we watched, Monsters Vs Aliens, was okay. Whoever wrote the story is idealistic. Susan turned herself into a monster to save the other monsters!

We went window-shopping at Tampines 1 after that, although I really wanted to go home. I even had pop corn all over my clothes. I guess I was too tired to care. We looked at... bags, clothes, accessories. It just felt surreal to be wasting time doing this and I seemed to be looking at everything at a new light. For instance, I'd vowed to never wear nail polish ever since last year when I'd decided that it was plain stupid (waste of time + can be quite ugly), but yesterday, I found myself looking curiously at them at Watsons and Chameleon. I didn't even help Clare who was trying to get a nice belt because I was too busy staring at everything in bewilderment.

On my way home, I called up my parents and we met for supper. The bowl of fish ball noodles I had was bliss. After that I reached home to realise I wasn't happy at all despite acting all that euphoric earlier on. An older tension had broken off within before I could even appreciate fully what it meant to relax. I am anxious, so damn anxious to spend these few months of holiday wisely. Death is no triumph card, but it has to be the most powerful card the devil has.

I turned on the computer and began surfing rather aimlessly. At about 3 or 4am, I decided to just let it go for a while. The tears fell hard again, and they weren't tears of relief.

#65 we are just ordinary people

2009-05-25T23:02:00.006+08:00

it's weird. when i'm out i would do anything to get home to my mom.
now that i'm home, i yelled at her just coz she repeatedly asked me to get off the com while i was tryna do research. i didn't mean it. i was just frustrated coz i couldn't find the articles which i urgently needed.

why didn't i just get a grip and tell her nicely. ok i tried.

don't feel too good.
why can't she trust me.

coz i don't deserve to be trusted.

yeah it turned out to be a misunderstanding.
but still i feel like $#!+.

me: don't let me use the com tomorrow
mom: get off the com now
me: i'm trying to search for something
10 minutes later,
mom: you need to get off!
me: i need to find something.
10 minutes later,
mom: get off the com now!
me: *yell* I AM DOING RESEARCH!!!!!
mom: how am i supposed to know you're doing research?
me: i already told you!
mom: you said "search for something", not research!
me: if i'm looking for anything else would i explain to you? and i said stop me from using TOMORROW NOT NOW.
----------

hopefully tomorrow will also be a better day.

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go

...

#64 one more paper to go

2009-05-25T00:58:00.005+08:00

hello! just thought i should do a fast one to tell everyone that my last paper will end this friday (!!!) the past month has been really torturous with all the unsuccessful attempts to study, and tough paper traumas. felt my heart freeze, cried, did crazy things, but also learnt to open up all over again. made new friends, got closer to some old ones. so it ain't all bad.

and.

God does hear our cries.

okie bye. tho i dunno how i'm gonna sleep tonight... i'm still bloated from the heavy dinner 4 hours ago??? like... *burp*

#63 finally someone who knows what goes on in the mind of a "little girl"

2009-05-19T19:35:00.012+08:00

¿Viva La Gloria?- Green Day

Little girl, little girl
Why are you crying?
Inside your restless soul your heart is dying
Little one, little one
Your soul is purging
Of love and razor blades
Your blood is surging

Runaway
From the river to the street
And find yourself with your face in the gutter
You're a stray for the Salvation Army
There is no place like home
When you got no place to go

Little girl, little girl
Your life is calling
The Charlatans and Saints of your abandon
Little one, little one
The sky is falling
Your lifeboat of deception is now sailing
In the wake all the way
No rhyme or reason
Your bloodshot eyes
Will show your heart of treason
Little girl, little girl
You dirty liar
Your just a junkie
Preaching to the choir

Runaway
From the river to the street (To your lost tranquility)
And find yourself with your face in the gutter
You're a stray for the Salvation Army (You're a stray for the dregs of humanity)
There is no place like home
When you got no place to go

The traces of blood
Always follow you home
Like the mascara tears
From your getaway
You're walking with blisters
And running with shears
So unholy
Sister of Grace

Runaway
From the river to the street
And find yourself with your face in the gutter
You're a stray from the Salvation Army
There is no place like home

#62 softener

2009-05-07T18:18:00.007+08:00

when i woke up in the morn', it seemed like another usual day.

bro had a friend over for sleepover last night.

me not feeling particularly euphoric about getting braces tightenened
or having to revise statistics till 12am or something.

"whatever's in my eye won't go away"

and then the randomest people started calling.

how did they know?
they sensed a disturbance in the force, maybe?

------------

My heart beat once or twice
And life flooded my veins
Everything had changed
My lungs had found their voice
And what was once routine
Was now the perfect joy

You've one life
One life left to lead

#61 Staying at home again

2009-05-04T02:09:00.013+08:00

Exams in 4 days. It's a good thing that I keep my nails obsessively short these days, otherwise I would be biting the * out of them right now.

Yesterday
On some days, you just can't help but feel that you're wasting your life. Yesterday was one of those days for me. I didn't get to go to church but I believe they celebrated YQ and Justin's birthday. Yeee to missing that.
I spent the day doing Maths and Stats tho.
It was also grandma's birthday, but I didn't go to the celebration with my family. Why? So that I don't have to hear my mother tell embellished stories about me to our relatives.

I don't like family gatherings anymore. I realise that they just make me feel lonelier. :(

Random:

#60 trivial pursuits

2009-05-03T04:31:00.012+08:00

Yesterday I got to study with Des and Tian Hao in church. For dinner, Des and I had Mc's at Aljunied. I must confess that it was me who suggested that place because I wanted to get the Happy Meal Cinnamoroll toy. The Cheeseburger Happy Meal was, um, not bad too. I had Apple Dippers for the side and Apple juice for thedrink, so Des said I should get an Apple pie too haha. After that, we went to Des' home again. Can you guess what we did? Yeah, that's right, more studying. How exciting! Even Des' brother, Daryl, who was also having exams, teased, "study whole day already still wanna study ar!"

It was late by the time I got home. I showered, rested for a while and then today (12am!) I decided to go to the nearest Mc's (again) to get supper and to study for a bit. My main purpose was actually to get another Cinnamoroll toy. However when I reached there, I got served by 2 blur kids (obviously Chinese nationals) who confused me with their English and even forgot to give me my toy. Even more disappointing was that when I reminded them, the Cinnamoroll toy turned out to be out of stock and I ended up with a Naruto armband. =( How sucky is that? Money back for bad service please.

As I sat down to have my not-very-Happy meal, "Because of you" started playing over the radio. Coincidental or what? Because of her, I took refuge at Mc's, that's what. Good thing that "I'll follow you into the dark" was also played though, because it cheered me up. When I decided to leave it was already 2am but the place was still quite crowded and noisy, which explains why I decided to leave so soon. Rather amazingly, lightning began to flash across the sky the moment I stepped out. It began to drizzle really lightly as I walked home, but when I reached my doorstep it immediately started to rain cats and dogs. Talk about perfect timing.

Okay, that was the thunder. I'm off to bed.
------------

Goodbye.

#59 Happy May Day

2009-05-02T01:22:00.013+08:00

今天和昨天的朝阳似乎没分别。

我也想把每一天当作新的开始，
但过去的遗憾始终留在我心里。

Yesterday was a good day because I hit the reset button after crying the whole of the day before. Des let me study at her place with her and we had pretty good food and music to last us thru. :)

To end off here's a not-so-random vid:

You number my wanderings. You put my tears into Your bottle. Aren't they in Your book? -Psalms 56:8
------------

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way to never let it get that far

I lose my way and it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh, everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with

I watched you die, I heard you cry, every night in your sleep.
I was so young, you should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else, you just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me

Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty

Because of you
I am afraid

#58 Ryan! blah blah blah. squeaks

2009-04-06T23:43:00.019+08:00

In case you haven't heard, my favourite dancer, Ryan Conferido, led his crew, Quest, to winning the title of "America's Best Dance Crew" not too long ago. For the finale, Quest brilliantly included the piano as a prop and sometime during the middle of the dance, Ryan actually further utilised the piano by playing a short tune which he had written specially for the competition (while Dominic, Steve, Feng, Victor and Hok continued to dance).

The rest, as they say, is history. :]

After the win, the fanclub which an online friend, Alicia, and I had started for Ryan began to grow rapidly. It came to the point that numerous fans really wanted to know what his favourite colour was. I tried to answer that question once or twice, but my posts, like all others, always got lost in the sea of hyperactive discussions (I'm not complaining, I never dreamt that the group would be THIS active). Hence, I decided to upload a picture.

The picture is actually a screenshot. It's a screenshot of what Ryan wrote on my Facebook wall way back in December last year. I had asked what his favourite colour was because I was working on something for him.

Here you go, a screenshot of a screenshot haha. I had a tough time searching for this old message to create the orginal screenshot!

:)

I was feeling pretty good about announcing his "favourite colour" once and for all, and then...

Well, all these didn't bother me much. In fact, I was feeling happy that Ryan now has so many fans and also excited that he's getting more recognition for his sincere hard work in dancing. Unfortunately, the wierd comments didn't stop here.

After a while came more comments...

Someone pointed out that the wall message was dated way back in Dec, but the picture that came with the message was just taken last month after they've won ABDC. =_="'

For those who don't know, the author display picture for a Facebook comment/ message is constantly updated and it changes to the latest one whenever the author changes his profile picture, regardless of how old the comment becomes!

But I didn't bother explaining myself, until...

Read: WANJING YOU'RE A LIAR.
Ouch. I decided it was time I said something...

Awkward, huh?

I seriously don't blame them though. I remember what it was like when I first met Ryan 3 years back, and he asked, "are you Wan Jing?" I myself thought it was surreal and started laughing like a dork. Before that, we had exchanged a couple of messages online and whenever I received something from him, I would fluster and tell my good pal, Christine, that I couldn't think of how to reply. Hahaha. Those were the days. Fortunately, Ryan is one of those sensitive souls who don't mind sincere people haha. (self praise) :]
------------

My interview with Ryan!!! http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=48100952917&topic=7467
Questions by members of the fanclub, of course. I couldn't have thought of such awesome questions myself.
------------

Something sweet he posted on his blog.
Reminded me of how I first "fell in love" with him! :]

Friday, April 03, 2009
Something personal . For "fans" .
Current mood: happy
Fans .

Haha . No it's just weird to think such a thing exists for normal people like us .
Or maybe I shouldn't really say 'fans' . Mainly because I was never fond of the thought, having never been a fan of very many things in my life . But I like to think of you as supporters . Who are willing to unnecessarily devote time and effort towards people whom you've never met . People like me who just by chance, happen to be doing something that interests, influences, ignites, inspires, or inexplicably impacts something in their life .

Maybe too deep ...

But regardless, I am aware of you all . Because it's a strange thing, really .
From my perspective . Which is this .

I grew up with no support for the things I loved . And I understand many of you are going through this yourselves right now . Instead of complaining about it, I dealt with it with acceptance, and then by redirecting it as a personal motivation to prove everybody wrong . I know this is baggage I've taken with me throughout such a big portion of my life . But it went away for the most part because I no longer needed it . Thanks to you .

Somehow I had good people like you behind me . People whom I've never met, and quite honestly, may never meet . Most of you understand this, yet you're still there, backing me up in whatever I choose to do next . And I don't have the urge to prove myself, because so many of you are here . And I am blessed to have people like you believe in me .

I didn't get this at first . For a long time, actually . And in the past, I rarely acknowledged it because I didn't know how to properly understand and appreciate it .

Tonight I was alone in the car driving home in the rain, and this all kinda came to me . Ehh this scene is so stereotypical and overdone, I know . But purely coincidental in this case . It's just that I'm so used to being by myself in my own lonely world . And I always did like that . But I realized tonight, that wherever I am, or whatever I'm doing ... there's a greater chance now that there's somebody out there thinking of me . And I am living a very . very . lucky life . Just to have that .

For all of you out there . I don't want to give you another overused, by-the-book, 'thank you' . The kind that we hear everyday on TV, magazines or award shows . I want you to know that beyond all of the good things that have happened to me in life, I am thankful for those of you who genuinely care . And this is a big step for me, because I'm not used to accepting affection very well . But I honestly open up my heart to you .

I am undeserving of your kind words . Because I know in truth, there is no way I can realistically reply to everyone . So if that's what you're looking for, I'm afraid I will fail you in that sense . But if I've ever done or said anything to motivate you toward a positive direction in your lives, allow me to continue in that . To the best of my ability . I may not be able to return your words, but you will see the actions that are motivated by the very support you've given me . I will try my best to show you what your words have done .

You are in my dancing . You are in my music .
You are a source of my encouragement, and a valuable piece of my happiness .
You are officially a part of my life .

You are the names I don't know, and the people I will never meet .
But you are also the friends I will remember forever .

Even once you have forgotten me, my story will bear testament to your presence in my life .

I wish the best for all of you .

I don't exactly know what you see in me .
But someday, I hope it dims in comparison to what you see in yourself .

With earnest sincerity,

. ryan
------------

#57 I feel funny

2009-03-29T03:28:00.007+08:00

Actually, I feel like Ginny Weasley.

He just sent a message to my INBOX.
Myspace, Facebook, and now INBOX.

That guy who graced my blog header just 2 weeks ago.

Sometimes, I seem to be living in a fairytale.

#56 Shut Up and Let Me Go

2009-03-24T03:16:00.010+08:00

The title is supposed to be named after that cute song which Kimberly, Justin and Desiree covered last Friday (see video), but then I realized it’s apt for reflecting what’s been in my mind the whole week.

So I’ve been living a triple life with horrible time management. They are work and school, family and friends, and most importantly, church and our amazing God whom I sincerely and desperately want to serve (still learning how). When I’m in school I talk about the most superficial things, like TV shows and mainly academic stuffs. At work, it’s still fine, because there are Sister Wendy and my lovely Brother Andrew. Both Zheng Xiong and Shu Zhen also dote on me, so I can tell them everything because they get me. As for my family and friends- this is going to hurt- I find myself increasingly distant from them. Sometimes they just scare me, the way they unanimously allow unhealthy convention to take over. It’s a free country, and people get to choose their own way, but I need to protect myself from certain influence too. So if you are reading this and actually understand what I mean, please accept my apology. Sorry… that I’m always so busy trying to fix myself. I am on a quest for the real purpose of life, a quest that is a big part of me, a quest which you think you don’t want to know more about… for now.

So yes, my problems are real and complicated. Thank God for the church, where I have my sisters in Christ, who have been lovingly keeping me in their prayers. They accept me despite the way I am, problems, commitment issues and all. It’s so clear what my priorities should be. So I don’t know what on earth I’m doing with 2 Fan Groups to manage on Facebook, working on promoting them, keeping them active and even doing an interview. I find no joy in doing it anymore. I missed how it was like, using just sincerity to reach Ryan C. and Victor K, but now with the groups, I have to deal with their fans like it’s my job. These 2 boys used to move me so much, but now I’m so tired and uninspired, that everything I’ve done for the groups felt forced. I wonder if there’s even any personal connection anymore. My mind screams, "Shut Up and Let Me Go!" but I guess it'll pass... Oh well well.

#55 Wedding/ Funeral Song & Cure For Pain :')

2009-03-21T16:54:00.010+08:00

Look, someone dedicated the song "I Will Follow You Into The Dark" to me.
Now I can die happy. XD

Please fast forward to 0:44 where it actually starts! XD
My apologies for the poor quality of the audio! n_n I do think it's time for me to invest in a decent voice recorder.

Do not ask me what the song is about, because I don't know. ;)
Pretend that you know, or try to explain it, and I shall smack you.

SHHH!

------------

Another beautiful song. Plz give it a listen!

Cure For Pain.

I'm not sure why it always goes downhill
Why broken cisterns never could stay filled
I've spent ten years singing gravity away
But the water keeps on falling from the sky

And here tonight while the stars are blacking out
With every hope and dream I've ever had in doubt
I've spent ten years trying to sing these doubts away
But the water keeps on falling from my eyes

And heaven knows, heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain
Oh my Lord, to suffer like You do
It would be a lie to run away

So blood is fire pulsing through our veins
We're either riders or fools behind the reigns
I've spent ten years trying to sing it all away
But the water keeps on falling from my tries

And heaven knows, heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain
Oh my Lord, to suffer like You do
It would be a lie to run away

A lie to run, it would be a lie
It would be a lie to run away

It keeps on falling (x4)
Water keeps on falling from my eyes

And heaven knows, heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain
Oh my Lord, to suffer like You do
It would be a lie to run away

It would be a lie to run away
It would be a lie to run away

------------

I just deleted a Chinese blog which I secretly owned! -_- I saved one entry though...

I wrote this 2 years ago in junior college when our teacher challenged us to take notice of the subtle details around us and use them to write a simple short story without the use of flowery language. I loved this assignment as it embraced both simplicity and subtility. Mine was a humble story but I definitely took pride in writing it. The teacher read it to the whole class because it was the only one which met the requirements of "simple" and "subtle details".

为了应付考试，我连夜开夜车。妈妈说这样会使火气上升，便煮了凉茶给我喝。妈妈把凉茶送来房里却又不放心把杯子留在书桌上，怕我打翻。于是，她便把那杯茶递给我，要我小心地拿着慢慢喝。茶刚煮好，自然是冒着烟，但妈妈把杯子递给我时，手却是握着杯口，以方便我以杯柄接过杯子...
... :'~(

终于考完试了，我也"元气大伤"，除了脸色苍白，还瘦了五公斤，样子十分憔悴。妈妈口说活该，却为我煮了补汤。妈妈边煮边试汤，我看着锅里滚烫的汤，终于明白妈妈为何不怕辣。原来妈妈嘴唇和舌头的皮因为时常试汤而变厚了。妈妈手中的勺，它的柄装置一层隔热的木。妈妈的爱便有如那层木，总是默默地爱护着我。

I am sharing this because I've always been detail-obsessed, even as a child. I can stare at the edge of a plate for 3 full minutes just because it's very slightly chipped (even up till today, I just cannot help it!). It has caused misunderstandings and I used to struggle a lot to cover it up. I guess that explains the element of crankiness that would always be part of my personality...

#54 I am having trouble with revision, but I won't give up

2009-03-11T15:31:00.018+08:00

I can’t seem to focus during my revision. I don’t know what is wrong with me. Have I sub-consciously given up? I felt so miserable just now that I started crying.

Save me, oh Lord. :’(

I know there’s still hope, because I am struggling. I couldn’t have given up, because if that’s the case I would be... doing something else. The first step of overcoming the psychological barrier is always the hardest. Tonight is the night that I’ll pick up the Bible and start a momentum.

I would like to say a big “thank you” to Hui Qi, who asked me out 2 weeks ago to give me a nice treat at Mos Burger and even surprised me with a pink rose.

Also, to Jessica, thanks for your unfailing love and commitment as a pen pal and as a best friend. I wasn’t about to ask about the Gryffindor scarf anymore because I was ashamed with how little I’d done to sustain our friendship. It’s simply wonderful that our long distance friendship has already lasted for 10 years and is still counting. Your strength and your sincerity have touched me deeply from the other side of this world. Please wait for me to fly you over to Singapore after I am done with school! I miss you everyday and I will pray for you every night. I’m so happy that we’re both now sisters in Christ.

Shout out to Wing and Jing Xian. *cheers*

I love you. =)

#53 moving on from yet another mistake

2009-03-10T01:25:00.005+08:00

Yesterday was the first time I went for work after a 2-week mugging break. I'm so tired right now.

My attempt at mugging for Prelims was an epic fail. I spend most of the time at home surfing the internet and taking looong showers. The restlessness and guilt trips were torturous.

I don't know if I should admit this, but I even thought of giving up the ownership to Ryan's (now official) Facebook group. Don't get the wrong idea- I care a great deal about that dude. It's just that last week I was feeling disillusioned from all the studying and started channeling most of my time and attention to the group as a way of escapism. I could have confided in God, but I didn't, and that was what made me beat myself up and want to just shake that group off. Looking back, I realize the problem was in me and nothing else. I was having panic attacks because I had started revision too late and couldn't calm myself down to focus. I love that Facebook group and have met fun people through it. I am only too glad to own it and especially more so after Ryan's crew, Quest has won America's Best Dance Crew. (I have been rooting for them since 3 years ago. I don't care about the title. I am just proud of how they have worked hard for it and then attributed it to God's love)

I'm still feeling a little miserable right now. My face is still recovering from the pimple outbreak and I have gained weight from the "stress-eating". On top of that, I have tons of catching up to do for schoolwork. Worst of all, thoughts of my constant disobedience to my Lord over the last 2 weeks are causing me to feel sick with shame. I had repaid His unfailing love with nothing but sins, and He's been quiet. L

Nonetheless, I know I can start running back to Him now. The very fact that I am thinking this proves His love for me, for I could never have on my own willed myself to love Him. He's always watching and listening, but for my own sake, I should pray more, especially in my confusion and fears, to find peace.

I really want to do well for exams, for the love He has shown through the people I've known and grown to love from church. To achieve that, I'd have to inevitably work doubly hard from now on. I definitely need to also be more conscientious about keeping close to Him. After all, He is the one and only who can give rest to my soul and bless me with wisdom, among other miracles.

Seriously, I really don't want to be so far away from Him ever again.

Shout out to ZR, who reads everybody's blogs.

#52 so uninspired.

2009-03-08T15:45:00.004+08:00

i hate this.

#51 Quest Crew is America's Best Dance Crew.

2009-03-06T15:03:00.006+08:00

it's been officially announced about 3 hours ago.
ryan simply broke down and cried.

thank you Britny and Aminah, for being first to post it on Ryan's Facebook Group.

-after crying a little myself too,
-sending an e-mail to everyone in ryan's fangroup,
-updating the group news, (at the same time missing some phone calls from fellow Questaholics)
-texting some friends the news,
-congratulating ryan, victor and feng on facebook,
-logging on to myspace to congratulate ryan again,
-sending a message on myspace to tell Nejou (my korean penpal who was as nervous as me. I ♥ her)
-scribbling on some fellow Questaholics' walls,
-replying to a couple of messages (to straighten some things),
-changing my facebook status,
-liking and commenting random Quest-related facebook status
-and twittering about it etc.

here i am.
to share the reality

that Quest Crew is America's Best Dance Crew.
i'm gonna wear purple every friday for a long time to come.

#50 third language

2009-03-04T15:17:00.007+08:00

my girl[SPACE]friends from secondary school all learn a third language-
char with korean/ jap, wing with jap, jingxian with korean, xtine with french...
-except for me.
i've decided to pick up a new language too.
been toying with the idea for years and i'm not getting any younger.
it's a non-verbal language though.

i want to learn a new physical language.
called b-girling.

people usually start in their teens.
so i'm 19 not 20 plz. kthks.

i need to lose weight.

why am i talking about this in the middle of prelims?

oh coz i want to learn a third language.
called b-girling.

yeah...

#49 misery

2009-03-04T03:37:00.006+08:00

i'm very disappointed with myself.

:(
damn.

#48 ~5 more days till the winner of ABDC 3 is announced~

2009-02-28T12:39:00.013+08:00

I just hope everyone votes
for who they think should win,
so that the best
emerge as the winner.

to watch ABDC full episodes:
http://www.mtv.com/videos/americas-best-dance-crew-season-3-ep-7-hip-hop-decathlon-challenge/1605303/playlist.jhtml

to just watch QUEST:
http://www.mtv.com/videos/misc/345330/quest-crew.jhtml#id=1605911
http://www.mtv.com/videos/misc/345512/orquestra.jhtml#id=1605911

-------------------
VQTE
1-877-752-7392
toll free on land lines
long distance calling applies

or LOG ON to mtv and vote QUEST CREW
http://www.mtv.com/ontv/dyn/dance_crew/voting.jhtml?episodeId=7419=7419

#47 ABDC Quest shirt.

2009-02-26T12:05:00.007+08:00

this is really nice and pretty affordable.
seriously considering if i should buy it.

i don't want to get it only AFTER they've won.
that's just... not the same.

#46 White Base Quest T-shirt

2009-02-25T22:36:00.006+08:00

Oops, just thought it would be good to share that the white base shirt is available at http://qstcrew.com/ , though i personally question its authenticity.

#45 QUEST WEAR: just to add on

2009-02-23T17:17:00.006+08:00

Quest shirts are available at:
http://www.questlearningcenter.com

the main site for Quest Wear is this↓
http://www.questlearningcenter.com/cerritos/?page_id=565

silver ink on purple shirt↓
http://www.questlearningcenter.com/cerritos/?page_id=554

pink ink on black shirt↓
http://www.questlearningcenter.com/cerritos/?page_id=550

exclusive purple on black shirt (with hok's Quest logo)↓
http://www.questlearningcenter.com/cerritos/?page_id=543

remember, it's time to take side. now, not after the battle is over!

wear your support! (:

click here to view my QUEST WEAR (as worn by QUEST CREW on America's Best Dance Crew 3) PHOTO ALBUM.

#44 QUEST for ABDC, QUEST ftw!

2009-02-22T11:51:00.016+08:00

Incorporate smooth moves and gliding in their performance.
"Forever" by Chris Brown
Battle of the Sexes
Aired on February 19, 2009

Perform while passing an object through their bodies
"Got Money" by Lil Wayne featuring T-Pain
Illusion Challenge
Aired on February 12, 2009

Perform while using the crotch grab pendulum in their routine
"You Got It (The Right Stuff)" by New Kids on the Block
Whack Track Challenge
Aired on February 5, 2009

Perform a portion of their routine blindfolded
"Toxic" by Britney Spears
Britney Spears Challenge
Aired on January 29, 2009

Kickboxing
"Let It Rock" by Kevin Rudolf featuring Lil Wayne
Fit Test Challenge,
Aired on January 22, 2009

"Hero" by Nas
The Sudden Death Challenge
Aired on January 15, 2009

Final 3.
But only one crew can emerge as America's Best Dance Crew.

It'd be a lie if I say that I'm not on the edge of my seat, because Quest is facing strong competition. This is indeed a painfully grueling test, but I know they will get through it. In fact, I'm glad for them, because without worthy opponents, winning the title wouldn't mean half as much ;)

10% luck. 20% skill.
15% concentrated power of will.
5% pleasure. 50% pain.
a 100% reason to remember the name.

I understand that most people only care about who wins, which matters for sure, but it is also important to find out how they've won, isn't it? (:

-So as they work hard to win their battle, let me work hard to win mine too- Exams! x_x

Go Quest---

#43 here it comes.

2009-02-14T22:59:00.006+08:00

#42 1 Peter 4:8

2009-02-11T21:14:00.008+08:00

hey! betcha think i'm dead.

yeah, you wish =D

i'm good now.
went to see a shrink yesterday. ;)

okay i didn't, but that's not the point.

the point is the shrink quoted me this,

"Above all things have intense and unfailing love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins [forgives and disregards the offenses of others]. 1 Peter 4:8"

she also said that i was irritating, stupid and evil.

okay, not exactly.

but that's not the point.

the point is being angry is tiring.
love, on the other hand, is such a miracle.

what is your definition of a miracle?

my brother is always asking me,
"why and how to love your enemies?"

yesterday i came to realise the answer.
indeed, sometimes forgiving others can be harder than striking a lottery, but...

"But Jesus beheld them, and said to them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible. Matthew 19:26"

#41 Go Ryan!

2009-01-22T21:15:00.012+08:00

it's been about 3 years since i first saw Ryan on TV.
i can still remember that i actually squealed and pranced up and down when i first saw him do his headstand on so you think you can dance.

we have met twice and kept in contact through myspace and youtube ever since,
but sometimes, it still feels surreal
to be remembered by someone as memorable as him.

=)

so this is him, as promised,
back in the limelight 3 years later
with his crew, Quest, on America's Best Dance Crew 3
and this is how they announce to america
that the battle is on:

with all my heart,
i wish for only the best for his crew.
go QUEST(:

#40 The Physics of Starlight

2009-01-18T11:36:00.008+08:00

When it is darkest,
The stars come out.
Reflecting light from the sun-
The greatest source of strength.

They are my brothers and sisters,
Through them You love me.
I need not ask for more,
And I know I deserve less.

Through Your grace,
I lived, I died,
And I open my eyes again.
But still, I fear.

You have walked with me all the way,
Took me through no shortcut,
And sank my mind into deep thoughts,
That I believed I’ve been forsaken.

When the time comes,
Let me not forget that
It is but a test
Intra vires.

Your love and grace is my cornerstone,
“Only be strong and very courageous” (Joshua 1:7)
I will not be bitter,
As I remember,

“When it is darkest,
The stars come out.
They are my brothers and sisters,
Through them You love me.”

#39 Chinatown 11-Jan

2009-01-17T17:59:00.025+08:00

It's that time of the year again.

Love is the Mooooovement.

B e a u t i f u l.

Street shopping. Accessories selling at $2.

Gryffindor. =)

Balls of joy with that wonderful smell. Sold everywhere.

KOK KOK. Respect!

Watercolour graffiti. I used to be really fascinated by this. That was 7 years ago though. I'm not saying that I don't like it anymore. Or that it's actually not that nice. The novelty just wears off. You can download all sort of fonts these days, and decorate them hardcore with all sorts of brush and graphics. If you are good enough, you can also get that nice watercolour effect. =X

I might get a portrait of myself done someday tho.

When I'm thinner and not wearing braces.

With nicer hair, more toned arms, bigger eyes...

Sharper nose.

Yeah. =)

♪On the streets of Chinatown

Just like all the years before.

You will hear on New Year's Day

Cheerful Gong Xi Gong Xi.

I remember there was once I sang this during Maths lesson in Sec 3, and Mr Ng said, "Regina you better be quiet...

I hate the English version.

I really like the Chinese version and I don't understand why they have to translate it."

MR NG ROCKZ

♪每条大街小巷

每个人的嘴里

见面第一句话

就是恭喜恭喜

I miss being myself. And I really miss Mr Ng.

经过多少困难

经历多少磨练

多少心儿盼望

春天的消息

Economic Crisis.

I love Mama. She looks glum here because she just asked about my aspirations and I told her that I would be more than happy to lead a simple life.

#38 [this is so not an ADV] Rasa Jakarta Soft Opening!!

2009-01-17T12:40:00.019+08:00

Nelly's bro-in-law started his Indonesian food business last Saturday.

Me, being the hungry ghost that I am, decided to check it out.

I was in luck when Solihin agreed to spend his precious book-out time to check out the stall with me.

There were quite a few NGs as Solihin kept giving a reluctant expression, until all of a sudden, he went, "What do you want?" and then "EEEE". The result was this picture, which is kinda cute.

Yay! You just wasted 4 seconds of your life reading the story behind a stupid picture. Yeah~

Just kidding, it's not that stupid. The boy in it is. The picture is not. =)

I'm so gonna die. Solihin is almost 1.9.

ROAR! See that big piece of meat? The food was spectacular.

It was so delicious, I ate until Solihin exclaimed, "your appetite is HUGE!" (that coming from a man who is almost 1.9) and Nelly laughed, "you look really full."

But it's really yummy. Especially the rice, which is cooked with tiny ikan bilis, and the nicely spiced chicken, and the TEMPE (that would be soybean cake).

I ♥ the TEMPE. ROAR! I'm so gonna pester my aunt (she's also Indonesian) about it. I know I'm such a brat, but she loves me anyway. =P

The menu:
1. RaJa Special Rice (Nasi Liwet Teri RaJa) - Our special
traditional fragrant rice mixed with “ikan teri” (tiny ikan bilis).
2. RaJa Chicken Soto (Soto Ayam RaJa) - Yellow chicken soup with vermicelli, egg,
potato, cabbage, cellery and shallot.
3. RaJa Smashed Chicken (Ayam Penyet RaJa) - Tender yellow smashed fried chicken with tofu, tempe, vegetable, and
chili.
4. RaJa Mixed Vegetable (Gado-Gado RaJa) - Indonesian traditional
salad containing vegetable, tofu, tempe, egg, potato served with crackers and
peanut paste.
5. RaJa Beefball Soup (Bakso Sapi RaJa) - Beef meatball soup
with beehoon, cellery and shallot.

2 & 6 are "Coming soon" because it was a soft opening and they were still making their final rounds of improv.
They are located at:

Amoy Street Food Center, 7 Maxwell Road, #02-114.

Do check it out if you happen to be there!

Yeah, it was a beautiful day. ♪
Nelly & Dedy had just returned from their honeymoon in Europe. Now, that really explains that expression on her face doesn't it?

"All the cities we visited were romantic."
I'm quoting Nelly. In case you weren't jealous enough...
or simply wondering how it went.

Oh, I just got my haircut that morning. Ack.

My best buddy in the world, who knows me better than I know myself.

I'm referring to the guy with blue spects, of course. Definitely not the poseur with the Avenge Sevenfold cap. That's just Solihin kinda getting in the way, no?

No. I totally less than 3 Solihin. :) :) :) :)
My childhood friend. Adulthood hero.
He's always there,
EVERY SINGLE time when I was down.
He brings me bad luck, I suspect.

#37

2009-01-14T02:59:00.010+08:00

牛年吃牛肉！♥

#36 da book. & DA MANNN

2009-01-11T03:49:00.005+08:00

Hello, good morning, how you do?
What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too,
but all of my regrets are nothing new

Despite still getting less than 6 hours of sleep daily, I find myself getting increasingly prepared by the day. Prepared for what, I do not know, but I definitely feel a little less insecure and angry now. Once again, I know my prayers have been answered since He really is teaching me to trust Him. I’m pretty touched to say the least, really.

I love books!

There’s a saying that reading to the mind is what exercise is to the body. Lately, I find that I cannot agree more, though admittedly, when I was first given the book “Basic Christianity” by John Stott, I almost recoiled in terror. I generally quite enjoy reading and I consider myself a sincere Christian or at least a genuine seeker, but “Basic Christianity” just doesn’t sound like a book which I will (ever) enjoy as much as, say, “I Want to Live”… Do I even need to elaborate?

Nevertheless, now that I am halfway through it and have so far enjoyed it immensely, I’ve realized that many times in my life, my growth have been stifled by my own close-mindedness and stubbornness. My eyes have been half-opened. I was fighting and yet, I wasn’t really. Titles can be deceiving, so can anything and anyone, with (im)proper marketing (physical appearance, packaging, eloquence etc). This world can be so commercialized, but I am glad that I am no longer bitter about it and, at the same time, no longer afraid to shout, down with convention and psychological barriers!

I am truly very blessed to always have people pushing me, quietly and lovingly.

Back to the point that reading exercises your mind, it’s simply amazing how it can train your mind to be more active and help you to relax simultaneously. Or maybe, it’s really just the book that has been helping me to stay at peace, putting things into perspective, so that I can take a little break from the awful battle within.

Ultimately, anything that leads me to and through God’s word is good.

God’s word is DEFINITELY still the best, challenged by only God’s love. In fact, aren’t they the same?

#35 Always count your blessings // Pantry Revolution

2009-01-09T14:34:00.011+08:00

Yesterday was quite a day.

In the morning, I reported for work as usual. Then, I attended a 3-hour Econs Lecture in the afternoon. After that, I had my dinner during a half hour break, followed by a 3-hour HRM lecture which ended at 10pm.

SHAG-a-long-tong.

I was dreading CNY because of the weight I've gained, thinking that it's coming really soon and I won't have time to lose weight.

That was until my lecturers decided to slot 2 tests during the 2 weeks leading to it. =X

Moral of the story: always count your blessings, people.
------------

I'm starting to have a tummy, for the first time since my primary school days. I remember back in secondary school days, my stomach was always flat no matter how fat I got because NPCC training always had us doing sit-ups obsessively. I managed to maintain it in JC but now it's all down the drain.

It's the Pantry Revolution here in office, with all the CNY goodies coming in. I also bought a packet of original Tim Tam to contribute. It's simply wonderful that EVERYONE in my department is a fan of Marks & Spencer. (okay, lame, who isn't?) Over here, besides the common pantry, each department has our own "DIY pantry". Each "sub-pantry" takes the form of a paper box, and is placed in the centre of each department section, while we contribute to it (not so) faithfully. For my dept, there would be Wang Wang's, Pringles, and M & S Jam Sandwich Creams on "normal" days. Last Christmas, M & S cookies dominated (double choc, raspberry & oats, honey, white choc, hazelnut... did I just recite something?).

*turns around* Ok, a packet of milk chocolate digestive biscuit just appeared in our pantry mysteriously while I was typing this, and it HAS to be Marks & Spencer.

oh, and someone is passing some Turkish Delight around:

Please don't, I just had lunch and Yami yoghurt and a few of that random honey roasted CNY thingy.

I think I'm gonna let myself go.
T_T

P.S. just noticed that Healthkicker (a health blog) happened to feature an entry on office food 2 days back.

#34 blessed day. despite some torturings which i can't conveniently share.

2009-01-07T02:36:00.009+08:00

Yesterday, Cheryl wasn't the only one who came to look for Andrew and me during lunchtime. Daryl and Tian Hao came too. =D We went to Comm Centre and then to McDonald's at Centrepoint. I really enjoyed it, tho at McDonald's I decided to try my luck and asked Andrew for a green tea ice cream , and got a huge cup of green tea instead. -___- but it was an honest mistake, coz there's so such thing as green tea ice cream at Mc's. Ahahaha. Andrew actually did asked whether I wanted "regular, medium, or large", and I even said medium, thinking that was the size of the cone (???). Noob lah, I know. =X

:)
----------

Hmpfh! The weight gain has seriously become a problem, but I hope I can get it under control by CNY. Talking about being out of control, my weight is not the only thing that's having this problem. I also need a hair trim. I had the baddest hair day yesterday. Yeah, bad in a bad kind of way. It just kinda kinked outwards, beyond my comprehension.

Hmmm. I have so much more to say, but I will stop here because I have stuffs to settle. Stuffs that involve paying $1887. =O

Thank you for reading.
I'm looking forward to the day ahead.
Hope you're like me in that sense.

#33 Please don't let my eyes get the best of me.

2009-01-06T11:03:00.010+08:00

Yes, myan.

Little Nyonya finally came to a close last night! So by right, my inertia of getting ahead with my revision should be reduced. We will see about that. Tonight, the new drama "Reunion Dinner" will be aired. I WON'T WATCH IT, although in real life I really love reunion dinners. =D

My right eye has been experiencing slight irritation since I left the house this morning. Cheryl's coming over to find Andrew and me for makan session later. Hopefully I can stay cool for lunch and the rest of the day. Otherwise... I will have another loseric day. =X

#32 simply thankful =) staying at KPC!

2009-01-05T21:08:00.008+08:00

Today I had the most loseric day!
The top part of one of my platform shoes gave way while I was cutting through Centrepoint on my way to work! So I walked to office barefeet.
The moment I reached my desk, I began stapling the top flap to the sole furiously, but of course it continued to give way all day long, especially when I was walking to the bus-stop from school, I had to stoop down to fix my shoe thrice, once being at a overhead bridge.

Of course, I was quite flustered the whole day. So embarrassing, yah? I even almost got lost in school coz I was so distracted. The venue for lecture today was changed last minute and I got off the lift at the wrong level, but of course I wasn't late.

Anyways, I still got to say I had a very blessed day today (and it's not just coz I had Subway Tuna sandwich). I realised God has been faithful, and thus, I am thankful. How true it is that a ton of worry cannot solve an ounce of problem!

Looking back, I realised that prayer works wonder.

I can still remember the very first time I shared my personal problems with my sisters in my discussion group and they said the sweetest prayer for me. After that, by God's grace, I found myself less troubled. I ended up face to face with that something I had feared, but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise, because I moved on for something definitely better, just as Kimberly had prayed.

About 2 weeks back, I found my thoughts straying again. I was worried about many things- my studies, my (lack of) job commitment, my lack of patience, my mom, my skyrocketing weight, and unfortunately, my... (honestly I don't even know how to put it) confusion regarding my next step in my walk with God.

So I was lost in thoughts again after a Sunday service when a kindly lady tapped on my shoulder and we began to talk. I think I sounded pretty stupid with all the "I don't know's", but she prayed that I'd be shown the next step. Her name is Sor Hoon.

Things quickly turned out by itself without me noticing. Bible studies will now be on Fridays instead of Sundays, so from now on I can go straight there from Orchard, which is definitely more convenient. I will still go to church on some Sundays (if He allows) for service and YA, but at least now I won't be so bothered if I can't make it, like when my mom really wants my company. As for the 3 hours of travelling from home to church and back, it isn't that bad, to be honest. At times, I have to wonder if I wasn't just tired of feeling guilty for not managing my time properly and for shifting the blame to having to travel to Eunos and back every Sunday. Whatever it is, my brothers and sisters at church are always so understanding, and it helps me find a balance between expecting too much out of myself and being totally irresponsible.

I am just glad that I'll be staying at KPC, since I've already considered it my home.

Anyways, this afternoon, I was happily thinking about all these when Sor Hoon called to tell me that she's been trying to find a church in the west with people she knows but to no avail, but I told her that I'd decided to stay. =)

#31 Happy 19th, Jing Jing!

2009-01-01T21:04:00.032+08:00

I have eaten all 8, and on a daily basis. =)

The perfect solution to PMS, and most problems. Just on time to help me get high for my birthday.

The Perfect formula to a Happy Birthday celebration*:
*results may vary with people

spend it with the most beautiful woman on earth.

Good food E.g. from Dian Xiao Er: XO fried rice, Sambai Chinese Spaghetti and Herbal Duck

be present yourself.

shopping.

spend it with your childhood hero.

let a random cutie* kiss you.
*my childhood hero bought it for me

Mix with believers.

even though they might not be the "on-est" people around.

they might even be extremely shy.

but ultimately they are extemely nice.

and might even throw you a birthday surprise. between office hours. during lunchtime.

have an unexpected girly moment.

Kim: *to Amanda* Let's hug!
Amanda: But it's not my birthday!
Kim:*hugs Amanda* this is the Happy-WanJing-Birthday-Hug!

having your very own chocolate ice cream cake! (a special mention that the young adult ministry got me another cake on sunday! okay it was for all the december babies, but it was girly with strawberry mousse and mango topping and i was the only girl! there was also a piece of chocolate with my name in icing in flowery fontface, among other names. but there were a lot of people so i was too shy to take a pic. but i was very happy!)

BOOKS! super meaningful presents. also a shoutout to Desiree, who gave me a switchfoot CD. it's rocking good.

okay, that's all! and since my birthday falls on the 3rd day of Christmas, I shall end off with this:

my invisible Christmas tree!

#30 yesterday i had yet another round of b'day celebration.

2008-12-30T02:16:00.010+08:00

andrew planned a surprise lunch. between office hours.
ron, huiqi, kimberly and amanda showed up.

which means round 3 of celebration.

all these confirm the fact that i experience good things in life
never because of myself,
but due to God's grace and love.

silly me actually believed that no one else would care/ rmb
after i'd told uncle daniel, george and my friends from RV
to forget about celebrating my birthday

all the love.
i can't believe it.

i will definitely blog more about this when i find the time.
meanwhile, i thought you might like a sneakpeak:

Yeah...

#29 colours are made to be different.

2008-12-29T09:08:00.008+08:00

just thought i should do a quick one to say that my birthday this year was wickedly blessed. (but i will not say how in this post.)

for a change, it's no longer celebrated with Christmas eve (tho i never did mind the birthday logcakes, so don't get the wrong idea please) and i have not met up with my RV ex-schoolmates (yet?). but still, i would like to express my heartfelt thanks for their sincere greetings and well wishes.

oh, and no there won't be a "thank you" list. i am quite sure i have gotten back to each and everyone personally. =D

regarding the girl who once called me her guardian angel.
i can only say that i am sorry.
that i give you nothing but trouble.
and that everyday, i know you less and less.

since when have i ever judged you?
or even doubt you?
i trusted almost every single of your decisions.
i relied on you so much.

that was how i knew you.
like, really knew you.
it was a love i celebrated. everyday.
i was so delighted that you felt it.

you hate it a lot now, don't you?

pity.

i cannot even express how much it pains me.
----------------------------

anyways i really am fine already

looking back at the past week, i realised that i have "crashed" because i have focused on distractions and worried unduly, instead of staying faithful and more patient. in regards to a certain someone, the air has been cleared, but i'm not gonna give him up.

honestly, i myself am not sure what "not gonna give him up" means, but i guess it could mean that i would like to mend our friendship, to how it used to be. i wanted very much to walk away, and i still do now, but something inside me has protested. (.ie. noooooooooooo). i realise now that i have walked away too many times in my life out of "tiredness". unfortunately, it is often impossible to turn back again and i sometimes regret using such a permanent solution to a problem that is as minor and as temporary as tiredness. i think the proper solution to "tiredness" is rest, patience and faith.

why dwell over someone who doesn't give a hoot, you ask? my answer is that i have found reasons to care about him (he IS nice), and in the process i have learnt a lot, be it from the experience or from the person himself. if the incident last week never reoccurs (it better not), then... i'll pretty much let nature take its course tho i cannot deny that i favour him as a friend, beyond logic. i am not proud of that, but that's just the way it is.

at the end of the day, i guess i'll pray about this.

this and the girl who loved me so.
i still believe that she does.

"colours are made to be different.
but also made to be together."

#28 put it behind me. maybe i can change.

2008-12-27T09:36:00.010+08:00

the sun has risen to start a new day.
it's morning.

no more emo!

just thought i could create this list: (nah. not really. i didn't even realise that i was gonna blog, like, again)

10 things i am grateful for in 2008

getting to go to school to pursue a degree i like
wonderful colleagues i have met at elsevier (who really doted on me) and the new funny colleagues at starhub
knowing a friend like cheng gui (i might as well be honest about it now)
made new awesome friends like sunny. also people i've met at church, at yvonne's bday chalet, at sgh, that one night i joined crusade, that one month with subway marina sq, during school lectures etc. didn't mean to miss anyone out, but if you're reading this, how can you not be important yeah?
not losing daphane. also mingmin, jiale and meichen. also the happy times i have spent together with my secondary school friends.
finally letting go of my pride slowly but surely. and seeing more clearly for myself what are the things which really matter
desiree's unbroken love for me =) and seriously, the people at church. =))
receiving Christ
my parents and my brother's love. always and forever
the pain i am in now, and the love which God is gonna show to help me get through

today is not the last day to experience good things,
may i learn from my mistakes.

2009 "resolutions"

to have Him in my heart and mind always,
so that i can find love and wisdom in Him,
not just when i'm down and desperate,
but always.

i also need to focus on my studies,
put more effort into my walk with God
be a more responsible and consistent person
and learn to put myself aside.

thank you.
peace be with you!

okay, i'm off. to school.

#27 oh no

2008-12-26T10:41:00.005+08:00

i've decided to go on a diet again.
that's extremely courageous.
considering all your watchful eyes,
and the 47832451 failed attempts.
.
.
.
.
.
.
what?

no, really, what?

do i look like i care what you think?
stop staring!!!

#26 what does december mean to you?

2008-12-25T12:50:00.007+08:00

my birthday
before i turned 15, it just meant lotsa lonely time at home, homework, hopelessness and discontentment
i have been blessed with loving friends, who have been organising parties/ gatherings for me every year since my 15th
until this year, it involved staying over at uncle daniel's a lot.
justin's birthday
thinking about and missing people
wondering about the meaning of life
the chill in the air, the melancholy in the wind
revelations
hopes and (daunting) expectations for the new year
hiding away from people
a somber mood that no amount of champagne can wash away

the quiet flame that somehow still burns within
the almost eerie sense of peace, bizarre and all

this is my december. this is my time of the year.

Thank God for the gift of life.
Happy Birthday, Jesus Christ. =)

#25 I cried... but time will fade everything.

2008-12-24T21:30:00.009+08:00

This is what life is like
When I believe true love exists.
And I will do so forever.
Because he is out there.
And he has been here.

Fate had given mercy enough
To deliver my constancy to him
Just as I had unbrokenly desired.
Although to my grave dismay
I was not prepared to serve him.

Yet I take little misery upon defeat
Within detachment of physical bond.
Nor do I allow my revulsion
To corrupt the grace of his memory.
In absolute truth he remains divine.
He will serve as testimony evermore
As the only dream brazen forward
To challenge the fabric of my reality.
The echo of his beauty resonates eternal
And requires no form of reminiscence.

His existence in me is shelter and peril.
He has made darkness into daylight.
And in his absence I have seen
Time become torture.
And pain become purpose.

For what then shall I account
The sympathy of fate to provide foretaste
And permit me a mere sample
Of a magnificence beyond my epoch.
I beg mercy shall not live here as cruelty.

I deeply sustain both blessing and curse
In notion that my days survive unfinished.
This is what life is like.
When he has been here.
And I have to let him go.

In mercy I know he exists.
In cruelty I know he is gone.

This is my heart's concern as I yearn for his return.

*i didn't write this poem. Ryan did. but i changed the context.

#24 i can count the number of friends i have in jc with 1 hand

2008-12-23T02:00:00.009+08:00

because not many can stand my horrible temper,
but they can.

hence the start of this friendship built to last... :)

xxxxxxxxxx

*meichen, mingmin and jiale, the happy times we spent together earlier this december will always remain in my heart!

**things have been down to the wire these days.

nevertheless, big thanks to those who have listened and cheered me on... (:

and especially to those who went out of the way

to say or do one thing or another just to help me move on.

for those who trusted in me to be strong and brave,

let me not disappoint these people!

i felt like i can be myself again,

but then again, i know never will i be the same,

because...

#23 in the east

2008-12-22T09:39:00.007+08:00

okay! matters of the heart aside, lemme just do a quick update from desiree's super shiok room. at aljunied. with matthew playing the guitar and singing and duane using the com in the next room. haha

i attended church this morning. it was one of the best decisions i have ever made this year/ in my life. met a "random" kindly lady(Sor Hoon?) who prayed for me. she's not psychic but during our short conversation, her sensitive soul figured out one of the main things which have been troubling me, so it's pretty amazing. (seriously i looked that troubled??) the pastors' preaching was refreshing and encouraging- as always. respect!

ate a lot. des gave me a doughnut just before lunch. then it's lunch and sushi session and ice cream session. now des and cheryl and matthew's sis* (i swear i'm gonna write her name on my wall when i get home) are just sleeping and waiting for dinner... we are going to this charity "starry starry night" dinner (or something la) later. the church bought 20 $100 tix.

it's gonna be quite a wk ahead. what with x'mas and my b'day. can't believe i'm gonna spend another year still being a "teen". oh well. i hope age (or rather, the lack of) doesn't hinder me in my (hasty) quest for wisdom.

i think i will stop here alr. just want everyone (who knows about........) to know that i am fine now. i guess guys and girls (or people in general) sometimes just have different perspectives and thus it's natural for us all to handle matters differently. sure he has hurt me but i am letting go. really. (: when i get back i will tell all of you who do not know about "......." what happened, and probably update a bit... about this and that. oh well that's all. i really gotta go. for the starry starry thingy.

xoxo
Shalom ♥

*des just woke up. she said matthew's sister is called andrea.

#22 i would have given him the moon...

2008-12-20T00:21:00.005+08:00

that's what many people thought. know what?
i think you people are right.

whatever happens now or in the future,
i will always find it in my heart to forgive him.

that means even if he
opens up my closing wound.

.
.
.

i believe that he is a good person at heart...
i really do.

how can i hate him?
who am i tryna kid?

#21 look, another potential t-rex club member

2008-12-15T01:01:00.003+08:00

hey,
happened to see this funny anti-vegetarianism blog entry on xanga .
go check it out.
not that i heartily agree with it,
but it's so crazily opinionated that it's pretty funny. LOL

LOL. opinionated people are funny.

LOL. ROFL. LMAO.

#20 everyday, i tell myself that i don't care about these things

2008-12-13T02:10:00.003+08:00

but actually i do.

get only credits and distinctions in Univ
lose 8 kg. (it used to be 6kg, but have since gained 2)

so these things are lame, conventional and not supposed to be my cup of tea.
but they are.

it doesn't really feel like i have a choice.

just let me have a break. i'll get it figured out- what i want and need.

#19 officially back in T-Rex club.

2008-12-09T10:25:00.004+08:00

wef 9-dec-08, i'm no longer a vegetarian. not coz i've finally discovered the "marvel of meat" (as zheng xiong put it)- i was able to resist even when i worked at my favourite subway for 1 whole month-, but because of the inconvenience and complications, which i couldn't have imagined, vegetarianism had brought about in my life.

lay-dehhhs and gentleman, put your hands together and welcome me back to the T-Rex club(headed by zhengxiong)!

#18 friends of SGH appreciation dinner

2008-12-01T14:38:00.003+08:00

how time flies. it's been 5 years since i started doing this.
have met wonderful people, be them volunteers or hospital staff.
if you're interested to join us, pls contact me. :]

#17 why do i sound like a cynic?!?!?

2008-11-28T09:23:00.003+08:00

uh, myan. NO.

i just confused a simile as a metaphor!

somehow i just got confused and believed that they were distinguished by the phrasing, like a simile is as (adjective) as (something), while a metaphor is (adjective) like (a noun)---- HOW STUPID.

simile is explicit. metaphor is implicit.

how do i forget sth soooooo basic!?!??!!?

dang no i didn't realise it's possible to forget things we've learnt in primary school. i mean i only chose to forget things from those times e.g. manners, good brushing habits, writing neatly etc, but they don't usually disappear from my mind by themselves!

terrible terrible terrible. XD

but it's might as well. i never liked sharp people anyways. [:

but seriously i need to ruminate about things and write more, otherwise i'll keep talking about nothing like i always do now. just look at the frequency of my blog updates!

HELLO jingxian,

here's my take on your (scary?) vision:

IT IS A SOCIALLY CONSCIOUS VISION OF THE ECONOMIC CRISIS! look:

Like an evil disease <- Must be the broke-case disease. Worst of the worst. it wrapped its cold cruel fingers around her mercilessly, <- (oh my, tikoh pek with gigantic naughty fingers. not.) do poorer people receive colder treatment? check. is reality cruel? yes! how would you describe our fast-paced society? merciless.

rendering her breathless
as she struggled feebly against its deadly grip. <- must be talking about the vicious poverty cycle. how to fight against poverty? hard leyyy... that's why feebly.

She screamed, but no sound came out.<- coz out of breath. again that's what daily expenses do to people in sg.

Her arms were outstretched,
grasping helplessly at emptiness <- like that struggle no wonder no avail. money won't appear in thin air

as she disappeared rapidly in the faltering white light,<- dead liao

its mirthless laughter echoing wickedly off the darkened walls. <- even when the crisis ends one day, its effects will linger like the echo! kiasu-ness, selfishness, bloodsucking culture...

i hereby hail jingxian Queen of Subtle Eloquence. XD

#16 doughnut biscuit. and a body of lies.

2008-11-23T20:48:00.004+08:00

friday, i spent the whole day in office. lunch was at comm centre with wei sheng. we had indian food, ice kachang and papaya. after that we went to cathay cineleisure to visit the nike store at the top level, the korean supermarket from basement and to buy doughnut for wendy (coz the other time wei sheng bought doughnuts for everyone in the dept but his friends in school stole 2 and wendy ended up not getting any) also at basement. bah, i'm really bad at rmb-ing store names.

when we got back, i decided to microwave the doughnut as i didn't realise that it's not "microwavable". the result was a doughnut-shaped biscuit. the tiramisu icing also melted to an... undesirable sight. in other words, it became inedible. throw lor. as the day progressed, wei sheng became very sick and grumpy as he had been missing nights of sleep due to school camp and whatnots. :( i got angry with him :( so right now things are not good between him and me. ._. because me being me didn't bother blowing up and instead dao-ed him the rest of the day. i now realise how much that must have hurt lah, but i really couldn't think straight then coz i was really angry. sorry, didi... :~(

saturday there was HRM class. i just discovered that there's another stall in the school canteen which sells food that i actually would want to eat! it even sells my favourite vegetable pau and yam pau.... HURRAH!!! after school, i went to visit george. lunch was porridge, eggs fried with radish, and bai cai with organic button mushroom. for snack, we had my favourite nuts and raisins (nature's trail mix), meiji dark choc, persimmons and sparkling juice. :) i got to feed george's mom, then george fed her medicine, helped her to the toilet and to her bed. finally it was youtube time and we spent it watching all sorts of weird videos. X)

i left george place at about 7 to meet sunny at jurong point for dinner. we ate at that eatery just outside jurong point (near bossini). we also shopped for a while, had dessert, got bored and decided to watch body of lies (with a packet of muah ji). personally, i immensely enjoyed the movie. it reminds me of american gangster as they both touch on the weaknesses of CIA, involve realistic action and smart strategising, share a few directors, an actor (crowe) and a similar air of cynicism. comparing them, american gangster was about drug trafficking, corruption and involved a bit of sex (m18) whereas body of lies is more of a spy story with iraq war as the setting and thus slightly more political. it was shiok from the beginning to end, presenting views beyond mainstream. set all out to be controversial, it wasn't long after the movie began when a middle east man in it cried in anguish, "i can speak 5 languages... i have a phd, i can't be a martyr!" funny for all the wrong reasons? told ya it's shiok.

really appreciate sunny for watching the movie with me yesterday! :):):) you were totally awesome to hang out with.

#15 disappointing...

2008-11-21T16:41:00.003+08:00

thursday i spent the morning at work. had lunch with wendy, shu zhen and zheng xiong. wei sheng was away at camp. we had malay food at cuppage for lunch, then i went to school...
lecture yesterday was mad because we spent 3 hrs just to go thru 2 tutorial questions. the school is also getting increasingly uptight about lesson crashing. as usual i reached the school about 30 mins earlier but i had to present my student card to the gatekeeper at the door to prove that i belonged to that lecture slot. after i got into the theatre and settled down for a place to sit, i decided to go out to make a call because there's no reception network in the theatre. i got out and stood beside the door, BEHIND the gatekeepers, to make the call. then when i was done with the call and was about to get back into the theatre, i was called back by the gatekeeper.

"gimme your card", she said.

"what card, i just came out to make a call."

"gimme your card"

"i don't have it with me, can i go in and take?"

"tsk. what's your name?"

"wanjing"

"full name?"

"sow wan jing"

she looked at her list and then she looked up at me to ask for my IC, which i just recited quickly. however it seemed like when she looked back down at her list again, she couldn't locate my name anymore. when she finally found it, instead of asking me nicely to repeat my number again, she gave an irritated and impatient, "huh?"

...

during the 15 mins break between the lecture, the lecturer reminded us to bring our cards along. when we got back from our already short enough break, we had to present our cards again. sighs.

how nice it would be if we could all be easier to trust... 2 weeks ago there was even a spotcheck conducted to weed out the lesson-crashers. attendance fell to half and the class was so much quieter. tbh i quite envy the class crasher, coz obviously most of them have sooo much free time as compared to me. MAYBE a few of them couldn't attend their own lectures as they coincidentally had some emergencies to attend to during theirl slots, but i believe those were but just a handful. the rest? we all had our pretty fair chance to choose our own timetable, so i don't understand why they were crashing at the expense of rules abiding students... according to the lecturer, in some of his other lectures, the crashing was so serious that some students had no chair to sit on. this, plus the noise level, spot checks, and gatekeeping, are very disruptive and disappointing. i find it tough to be satisfied with living in such climate of distrust and selfishness.

#14 my life revolves around food?!?!?!

2008-11-19T15:41:00.004+08:00

Hey people,

saturday, during HRM lecture, it suddenly hit me that I was seriously behind time and out of sync with my school work. my attitude had also changed. i used to be nothing short of meticulous, always reporting at least 15 minutes early for every lectures, but recently, i would either arrive on the dot or about 15 minutes late. my attention span and level decrease; i don't participate actively during lessons anymore. after HRM lecture, i started pondering in the bus on my way to george's, and i finally came to the deceision to quit my job as a sandwich artist at subway. so i called my manager to tell her.

i felt guilty because it felt like i had breached some kind of psychological contract with my employer. however, my studies is my priority now. i immensely enjoyed my working/learning experience at subway and even met amazing co-workers there, but the price was too high. my parents wondered why i was always not around, i couldn't go out with friends and i somehow became less focus on my work. (although this might be caused by other factors)

nevertheless, the food there is so delicious, and i am not quite sick of it yet. (we come up with new sandwiches every now and then! e.g. right now we have tendori chicken and egg mayo... =D) i'm also sad to leave my co-workers, who had been so patient and welcoming. the day after i left, they still texted to say they missed me... Awww!!! =X

anyways......... i had 8 treasure porridge, snow peas and my favourite mushroom egg at george's. for snack i also had a lot of fresh nuts and raisins, dark chocolate and milky hersheys. =D

sunday before i went to serve my last day at subway, i went to church to find des. we had dinner at a nearby indian muslim restaurant and it's so shiok i tell you. des had egg roti prata with onion while mine did not have onion. we also had milo dinosaur and cheese bomb, which was roti prata with honey and cheese and dunno whats... so yummy! =D as i had my prata with sugar, plus the honey, i was on a sugar high after that. never been so happy for a long time alr. heh.

monday after work i went to fortune center to have organic vegetarian food with george. george had proper brown rice lunch set like a normal human being while i had homemade yoghurt and fresd organic salad. they were delicious! can i say bliss? then george bought me my favourite strawberries and ... baluku before sending me off to school. fortune center is a playground for vegetarians, the equivalent of cuppage for japanese food lover. there's even a vegetarian supermarket there. anyways, i was early for school but my attention wondered during statistics lecture because the topic was rather dry for that day. no good! there's this guy in class who looks like cheng gui. who is cheng gui? cheng gui is that cutie whom i used to talk abt in my old blog. so... yep. nothing much to elaborate about.

tuesday, cheng gui finally got back from field camp and replied to my text. okay why did i fast forward to that so fast? ahem. in the morning i met wei sheng at dover to go to office together. afternoon, i went for lunch with wendy at lucky plaza. after work wei sheng and i wondered around on the streets of orchard road. lalala~ happy day. there was a few kids wondering around with free hugs signs so i went to redeem mine. hm.

wednesday, which is today, i went for LBO lesson as usual. i bought hello panda... first time since the melamine saga. =P lunch was at meridian with george. the chendol at meridian food court is yummy because the use red PASTE. we talked about... fruit juice and the meaning of life over lunch. after the meal, we wondered around for a bit at the hotel (concorde hotel) and then we went to centrepoint. george got some bread and my favourite fresh nuts snack then it's time to head back to work.

p.s. now that i've quit my subway job i promise i will post more intellectual stuffs after this entry. possibly nothing to do with food.

#38 little bee. 嗡嗡嗡

2008-11-14T03:50:00.007+08:00

sunday i was busy because...
morning i had a dental appointment. then i went to read my statistics notes at jurong west central library. afternoon i went to church. after bible study, i studied with a few friends in church until about 6 as i gotta go off to work at subway till late.

monday i was busy coz...
i gotta work. jenny, my ex-colleague and now great friend, brought me to a japanese restaurant at cuppage during lunch time. there are 9 japanese restaurants at cuppage fyi, which is not a bad thing. 有竞争才有进步. after lunch i went off to school for statistic lecture. i really enjoyed it! then i met up with a new friend, nick, for the first time. tian hao from church introduced him, but nick also knows ezra (huh who's that?) we had dinner, then nick drove us to campus crusade head office at paya lebar. we had meeting till 10 plus. after that, nick was really nice to drive us "Westerners" home.

tuesday was busy because...
I had to work... had lunch with weisheng, wendy and susan (we are from the same dept), which is always enjoyable. we went to cuppage again. weisheng wanted curry chicken rice, so we went to this famous shop with this famous cook. beside it was a shop selling food cooked in claypot, like for example, claypot yong tau foo yi mian. these 2 shops were fierce competitors and there was constantly tension in the air which was almost tangible when we sat between the 2 stalls. anyways, i think i actually got to watch TV when I got home that night. but then after that i had a lot of school work to do and ended up not slping till... 6am. ._.

wednesday was busy...
but i was very happy! morning law of business lecture got to see ezra and james (i'm happy to see them but this is not the happy part i'm referring to lah)lesson went fine too. after school, i went to have lunch with george at meridian. by the time i reached office, i was totally "zombified" but all my colleagues were very helpful, caring and understanding. finally when we finished work, my colleagues-weisheng, zhengxiong, wendy- and i went to the cathay to watch the coffin at 8. the movie was alright but my colleagues were superbly fun to hang out with!!!

thursday was busy as...
i gotta work and then go to school for economics lecture. i also had this special fellowship before i went for work. had lunch with jenny again before school at meridian. heh. we even went shopping and i bought a black skirt. mom cooked a lovely dinner for me that night. i watched TV again (shat) and then i went to my room and kinda dozed off... got up for a jog at about 11. then... tried to study but failed... haha...

friday, which is today, is busy...
now eating snake and typing this entry. earlier on weisheng was such a sweetheart + gentleman, but he's on his half day leave right now. hmmm. we had lunch with the department at sintel comm centre. all of us even had dessert. :D after i knock off i'm going to subway to work again. tired tired. but happy... happy to be alive... although i miss so many of y'all out there......

don't worry about me. but do call me up once in a while.

#12 Love Our Angels

2008-11-12T04:29:00.003+08:00

Last Saturday, I finally visited George again. On my way there from school, I met some ex-schoolmates. When one of them asked me where I was going, I said I was going to a friend’s place. Then he asked me what I would be doing there. I hesitated for a while before saying that I was going there to… “play”.

I don’t know what I myself think of this whole issue, really. My parents have no idea. I tried to bring this up to them once, but they were upset and strongly objected. I had confided in some friends. Some of them said things which made me blush, others made me… speechless. There was Des who always seems to sympathise, and there was Vivian, who gave me the encouragement that I so longed to hear. “Good girl,” she had said, and then she put her hand around my shoulders,”that’s why I sayang you.” I didn’t even realise how much I needed to hear this until all the tears started welling up my eyes. There were other people who conceded that my visiting was “kind”/ “nice”, but it was always with a hint of disapproval, like what I was doing was not realistic at all.

Okay, here’s what this is about:

George’s mom has advance Alzheimer’s disease. Alzheimer’s disease at its advance stage is very different from what you usually see on TV. For example, patients suffering from this stage of Alzheimer’s don’t just forget faces and names; they forget how to talk at all. This problem is usually further complicated by other more common health problems, like fading muscles, pain in the joints, high blood pressure and diabetes, because these patients don’t have the ability to help themselves, even though there are medications and wheelchairs that would otherwise be useful.

George’s life revolves around his mother. During weekdays, he sends his mother to the day-care center before going to work. Besides that, it’s all about his mother when George knocks off and it’s the same thing on weekends. Feeling that he must be lonely, I decided that I must try to visit him once a week on weekends. (Despite having to juggle school and 2 jobs… okay somehow all these sound lame now. *shamefaced*)

The problems faced by Alzheimer’s caregivers are very real and this is not the first time I’ve tried to explain it in my Blog. A few months ago I even did an entry with pictures, but I have to admit it was a half-hearted effort meant to simply record how I have spent my time, rather than going all out to champion for caregivers’ rights. Nevertheless, I can’t deny that in times like this, I wish wish wish that my Blog can reach more people.

Some time ago, a journalist from The Straits Times did drop by to visit and interview George, but George stubbornly refused to even give consent for revealing his name and insisted “no photography.” Such pride from a man whom I’d always thought had more or less mellowed down! However, I know I cannot blame him.

Who doesn’t like support as we fight? Unfortunately, the reality is that this society can be rather cruel. As mentioned earlier, I don’t always feel comfortable sharing my concern about Alzheimer’s caregiver because I know, sadly, it’s not the most normal thing to be kind. Hence, people are bound to judge: Am I just acting noble? Am I too nosy? Does this young lady have too much time in her hands? Let me just say this while I still have the courage to: What I am doing comes from the heart, ladies and gentlemen. What’s more, he’s my friend and we get along. There is also always nice vegetarian food at his place. Yay!

Similarly, I can expect George unwillingness to answer the even more cruel questions, like: Why not send your mom to a hospice? I’m not saying this question is wrong. I just think the answer is obvious enough. No, my friend George doesn’t enjoy trouble.

So we keep our chins up as we are rightfully proud of what we are doing.

Unconditional love… that’s what George and I are blessed enough to experience. :]

*God loves George more than I do. I'm glad He is using me.

#11 My New Jobs

2008-11-12T02:55:00.005+08:00

It seems like recently I have been living life at the speed of sound, racing with time to balance school, 2 jobs and everything else.

So far, my new job at Starhub office has been a fairly pleasant experience, particularly my new colleagues, who have been very friendly, patient and understanding. I get along wonderfully well with the 2 gentlemen, namely Wei Sheng and Zheng Xiong, with whom I form a team. During lunch times, the 3 of us and the rest of the department, which means Shu Zhen, Wendy, Audrey, and Susan, usually eat together. It’s lovely- happy times which I treasure.♥

Over at Subway fast-food restaurant Marina Square, where I work on some nights, the environment is less friendly, but I am still blessed enough to meet who people who care about and watch out for me. Subway is my personal favourite fast-food chain. This, plus the friends whom I have met there are what motivates me to press on. Otherwise, this job is kind of nasty... not the typical job a local undergrad would willingly take up. Besides having to serve customers and make sandwiches (formulas to memorise!), we have to prepare the ingredients (E.g. slice the vegetable, cut, marinate and weigh the meat, pour the sauces into bottles) in the kitchen, bake the breads and cookies (quite fun), clean up after the customers, wipe the tables, sweep and mop, constantly clean and wash up the kitchen, bring in tables from outside at the end of the day, empty the garbage bin... the list goes on. It’s been a humbling experience but I don’t intend to quit anytime too soon. This is for my personal development and financial freedom and security, so I must rough it out no matter what, especially since I have made this decision myself after much deliberation...

#10 New job

2008-10-21T22:47:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was my last day in the previous office. To show my appreciation for the grace that my colleagues have shown me for the past 10 months, I baked lotsa these specially for them:

The first thing my mother said to me this morning was ,
"Hey it's a new beginning for you again."

Today marks the start of my second job!
My objective? To give as much as I can.

#09

2008-10-12T00:37:00.003+08:00

Weekend so far has been great.
I went to Christine's for sleepover.
Breakfast was with Christine, Wing and Jing Xian.

=D

Gotta go hit the books tho...
HRM lecturer was quite strict.
Friday Maths test was kinda tough for me too.

#08 My New Mickey Mouse Mp3

2008-10-12T00:30:00.005+08:00

It's 2GB. =D

#07 EZRA!

2008-10-08T20:33:00.008+08:00

Today, I decided to get Pocky for this guy (Ezra) in my Law of Business Organisation class because he shared his tutorial worksheet with me when I forgot to bring mine in the previous lecture.

:)

When lecture was over, he handed me a brochure, asking me to take a look. The cover page read, "Make a Difference. I did. Have you?" Thinking that the content would sure be damn heavy and would upset me even further, I shoved it into my bag without opening it.

In case you can't tell, I was feeling quite miserable since the beginning of this week la. Friday got Maths test like not bad enough, still tio sack somemore without a specific end date, not funny one k. Nonetheless, I've been praying, of course, and my sweet friends have been praying for me, which made me stronger to hang... in... there...

Okay, back to that mysterious brochure. I was waiting for my bus back home when I got really bored and decided to fish my bag for the brochure. The first thing to catch my eyes when I finally opened the brochure was the printed URL "SIMCRUSADERS.BLOGSPOT.COM"

What a pleasant surprise. =D

It has Tian Hao's face in it too. Tian Hao from my church. =D

You know what is a small world? That's the world we are all living in.

God is so li hai, can?

Excited, I immediately text-ed Ezra. Lemme just quote him a bit, k?

"Haha woah the coincidence of you knowing [Tian Hao] and how we got to know each other in the same class and me happening to pass you our flyer is really against the odds haha!..."
Funny right? =)

""Haha that's how God used His children, though I was unaware, to show His love!..."
Yay! I am one of God's children. =D

Okay, and... ahem... *tries to keep face straight* I've found new sourceS of income already. Yes, new jobs! Cannot go into details la, just be happy for me ok? This fantastic person helped me out. ANDREW! God helped me out through him. =)))

I can't believe things are almost in order again. Yesterday, they were still looking down to the wires. Like I've said, I was kinda miserable, but overall was in the defiant and fearless mode coz gratefully, I somehow got the inspiration to simply have faith in Him. (I know people have been praying for me. Perhaps it's their prayers??? But it's really a mystery ♥)

Okay, I think I'm getting smug.=X

When I was in trouble, I kept telling myself to not take guilt trips and not be afraid as these are parts and parcels of life and God's plan... and I should just focus on Him...

So now, I must stress that I am experiencing good things in life...
NEVER BECAUSE OF MYSELF...
Always because of God.

#06 first mudpie from coffee club

2008-10-08T02:13:00.006+08:00

Hey, just a quick update to say that I am good. Things are not that bad actually.

Something which I forgot to mention in the previous post is that on Monday, Andrew and Cheryl from church♥ had lunch with me at the new Pasta de Waraku fusion restaurant located at the 5th level of the Heeren. Personally I really enjoyed the food but Andrew and Cheryl said they would rather have authentic Japanese food. I had been wanting to try Pasta de Waraku ever since I first saw the lovely food models on display at the Clarke Quay Central outlet back in my JC days, so I'm glad I finally got to try it. More importantly, I'm touched to have Andrew and Cheryl's company. Very. Touched. So to Des, yes, I do feel His love. After that, we went to have mudpie at Coffee Club. Mmm.

Tuesday I had lunch with a sweet new friend named Fatimah.

I also went for a couple of interviews. Nothing's confirmed yet for now so I cannot say much, except that I actually met a very nice person who kinda floored me. Hm.

That's all. Thank you for reading.

#05 the world getting colder...

2008-10-05T00:17:00.007+08:00

I had a mad weekend!

Friday Maths was... so-so. After that, I decided to go for a hair trim, but I took the wrong bus which took me to... nowhere. I ended up having to take the MRT back in the opposite direction. At the bus interchange, I wanted to get help at the service counter, but something rather annoying happened. I asked my question but the captain couldn't hear me from the other side of the glass. So, he turned on a mic which was linked to a speaker installed on the glass and asked into it,"Yes, can I help you?" I opened my mouth to speak again but he pointed at something which looked like a mic also installed on the glass and expected me to talk into it. I shook my head in disgust, muttered "never mind" and walked away. There were many bus captian walking about at the interchange, so I simply approached one for help and immediately got my query answered hassle free. When I finally got to the salon, I asked about the supposed deal which I was interested in and realised that I had been misled by the poster outside the salon. Before that, I had merely caught a quick glimpse of the poster once, some days ago, on my way to doing some social work. I didn't hav time to look at it properly and thus ended up being fooled.

Need I say more? Nevertheless, I still TGIF-ed. Don't remember what happened afterwards, except that I was extremely tired and stuggled pretty hard to stay awake to get some things done.

On Saturday, I had to go to school for Human Resources Management lesson. It was interesting but very challenging. The class was small as saturday timeslots are usually the least popular. After that, I visited George. We had lunch, talked, and messed around with an image editing software. Then I went to IMM Daiso to try to shop for some useful items for sorting out the things in my room, but only managed to find this plasic holder with lots of compartment pockets. It was recommended by Xiaxue once in her Blog. It's item No.4 in the entry "20 Of My Bestest Purchases!!!" I also went to get some cosmetic items. Lip gloss and eyeliner used to be my favourite make-up from secondary school days, but I am now so used to not wearing them, or any make-up at all, despite protests from so many people. Nonetheless, I shall spare you all from my emo should-we-measure-people-by-the-looks-or-heart talk. Whatever la, k, whatever. I know I'm a hypocrite. I claim to be against wearing make-up, but I am, on the other hand, rather obsessed with wearing strictly only ring/ tinted contact lenses. The bottom-line is whatever, I did get the make-up, and it was another tiring day for this weary heart here.

I also talked to the guy I like. He seemed a little unhappy, and strangely because of that, I somehow found the strength to cheer up for ~~his/ my own/ i dunno/ his/~~ my own sake, realising how contagious misery can be. The bottom-line is, love keeps us going. God loves me, and He gives me the strength and consciousness to love and do things for love's sake...

When I got home it was super late again. !@#$%^&*
Sunday, I went to church =) I enjoyed Bible Study. It strengthened my heart and I know it wasn't just some sort of Dutch courage. There are so many reasons to be scared, but then there's always that one ultimate reason to be brave... God loves us. =D

After that, I visited Grandpa and Gradma. There was a family gathering at their place because it was Grandpa's birthday. I love Grandpa. Nonetheless, I can't say the gathering was all that wholesome because truthfully, it was yet another thing that drained me out.

Monday
Monday, my manager told me that she had decided to hire a fulltime executive to help handle the HR matters of the fast-expanding company. It means that she does not want my part-time assistance anymore, especially considering the fact that I've been increasingly unable and unwilling to commit. As soon as she finds a suitable candidate, I'll do a handover and then I'll be gone.

My mom kept asking me why, although she was certain my job performance must have suck. I cannot say that I've been a perfectly wonderful employee, but I won't blame myself because guilt won't solve anything, plus nothing, good or bad, really happens because of myself. I have done my best, but that doesn't make me in control.

Bye bye, my brain is auto-shutting down.

#04 Another Mundane Day, Still Going Strong in Most Ways. :]

2008-09-30T00:52:00.009+08:00

Something rather dreadful happened. Just now, I was messing around with my Blog when I accidentally made an irreversible change. I had no other choice but to change its URL address to close it for now. As you can see, this Blog is set up with the previous URL.

Don’t worry- all my old entries are safe with me. I won’t say what the problem is but it’s actually very minor and there are definitely other ways to fix it besides shutting it down completely. Nonetheless, shutting it down completely seems the most ideal to me.

I have reposted the latest entries from my previous Blog and used a similar layout. I doubt people will even notice that this is a new Blog if I don’t mention it here.

♥♥♥

Anyways, today is Day 5 since I started on vegetarianism. Yesterday, George treated me to QQ rice and Swensen’s ice cream.

My Gold Rush and George's Banana Split

In case there are people who don’t know what QQ rice is, they look something like these:

Seafood Combo

Chicken Teriyaki Combo

Beef Combo

There are standard rolls but we can also choose our own fillings and types of rice ourselves. The meat fillings are exciting with choices like salmon and beef, but the best part for me is that there are equally many vegetarian varieties. The vegetarian and meat fillings at the counter are strictly separated.

Find out more about QQ rice here: http://www.qqrice.co.nz/

♥♥♥

My braces are hurting me again. Here's the problem:

Whenever I get them tightened, it would initially hurt, especially the gum, because my teeth would weaken and start shifting accordingly. When the teeth finally settle down, the braces would become loose and the loose ends would cut my gums and the sides of my mouth. So, if I ever look like I’m playing with my tongue, chances are I’m really trying to adjust the loose ends and whatnots. I’ve been using my fingers for the past few days but now the fingernails of my left thumb and of my left index finger are terribly chipped.

♥♥♥

Lately, I keep feeling rather weary. I guess the challenges of my current life are catching up with me la. Work and study, work and study. You think won't die meh?

Nonetheless, the very fact that I am typing this is a sign of God's Grace. I'm grateful to be able to talk about this issue calmly, and to actually have this outlet. Right now, I am truly feeling quite in peace...

#03 F1 Singapore Grand Prix

2008-09-29T22:54:00.006+08:00

Seriously my F1 ticket seemed to have just dropped from the sky,
but of course it didn't.

Apparently, someone loved me enough to think of me when he decided to go for the F1 Practice Race, so he treated me to the event.

The cars were damn fast myannnn (Duh!) I took lotsa lousy photos because in my excitement, I forgot there was something called:

SETTING THE APERTURE.

Well done, Wan Jing.

I also took random videos and posted them on Youtube, which pissed the hell out of some Youtubers. Haha! I don't seem to have much affinity with all these video thingy.

Thinking aloud silly thoughtsss:

•Floodlights were super annoying but practical and innovative. I dislike them, but am at the same time glad that Singapore used them to make the best out of our limited space. Would Grand Prix have been here without them? No.

•I wish I know a bit more about the cars and drivers. Aiyah, but this one guy sports ma!

•A guy's X-factor really multiplies when they are behind the wheels. There's something about the way they are confident and relaxed and yet attentive and focusing at the same time.

•I know how bad this is going to sound, but I'm amazed by how we came up with all the resources. It must have taken a lot of effort and money... I also couldn't believe we actually had enough people to form Vehicle Recovery Teams, but I later realised that I'm tooo naive to actually for a sec believe they are all local. (Duh!)

•I'm used to race car being red, but the white one is growing on me. I think I need to know what it is and who drove it, but more importantly, I'm really annoyed with my noobness.

•Grand Prix really very grand.

•I don't actually mind the sound of really fast cars. In fact, somehow, they sound better than some of the bikes I hear on normal days.

•Solihin's guy friends are really going to kill him for not taking them with him

•I'm so lucky!♥

P.S. Justin was a facilitator at this event. I was so pleasantly surprised to see him. He's just so happening and everywhere, I tell you.

#02 Ling Zhi!

2008-09-29T22:51:00.008+08:00

As mentioned some entries ago, George and I went to the best vegetarian restaurant in Singapore!

The address:
541 Orchard Road, Liat Tower
#05-01/02 Singapore 238881

Ambience of the place was good. I am not that particular, but the style, furniture, lightings and arrangement seemed really reasonably tasteful and well-mantained to me. I suppose it is a presentable enough place for important meetings, especially the VIP area.

Interesting, small and cute. ($6.50 for one, not 2) Taste: nice lor.

This is not the exact dish we ordered but this is the closest I could find. It was something that also cost $22 but I cannot even recall its name. It was slightly spicy, with tender mushrooms, crunchy lily bulbs♥ and other fresh vegetables.

Very tasty dish. There was also white fungus.
Beancurd skins are also available with "Dang Gui" in claypot, but Georgie said "Dang Gui" are for females. Someone care to explain???

My favourite, fragrant, fluffy fried rice...

While it is an high-end restaurant, please be advised not to expect high-end service. The older waitresses weren't very pleasant in their mannerism when we were there, I'm sorry to say.

On the other, the food was fresh and tasty. It's the kind of vegetarian food that even carnivorous people wouldn't mind because the chefs and cooks of the restaurants have pretty much managed to break through the limitations of vegetarian cooking. (of course la, expensive leh!)

Vegetarianism is just so exciting. XD

Disclaimer: I own none of the pictures in this entry.

#01 Daph, I miss you!

2008-09-29T22:49:00.011+08:00

Reticulation:

Water Colour:

Fresco:
Glowing Edges:
Patch Work:
Plastic Wrap:
Poster Edges:

Staying Awake...

my new personal blog

i regret the previous post

An angry, image-tarnishing post

#87 i'm a SIM GE student blogger!

#86 Munchie Monkey with Hui Qi!

#85 Shin Tokyo @ CityVibe

#84 Fun with speech bubbles

#83 edit: big news

#82 hypocrisy

#81 when it's pointless to say anything else.

#80 awesome BBQ

#79 chillin'

#78 nice pink stuffs iLike.

#77 bake bake bake bake

#76 random lil pic taken in church.

#75 sending some love

#74 L U V unltd

#73 Father's Day Post as promised.

#72 alamak! poop Windows Vista

#71 B

#70 Back to Kindergarten

#69 More wasting of holiday :)

#68 Espresso :]

#67 economics theory

#66 grr.

#65 we are just ordinary people

#64 one more paper to go

#63 finally someone who knows what goes on in the mind of a "little girl"

#62 softener

#61 Staying at home again

#60 trivial pursuits

#59 Happy May Day

#58 Ryan! blah blah blah. *squeaks*

#57 I feel funny

#56 Shut Up and Let Me Go

#55 Wedding/ Funeral Song & Cure For Pain :')

#54 I am having trouble with revision, but I won't give up

#53 moving on from yet another mistake

#52 so uninspired.

#51 Quest Crew is America's Best Dance Crew.

#50 third language

#49 misery

#48 ~5 more days till the winner of ABDC 3 is announced~

#47 ABDC Quest shirt.

#46 White Base Quest T-shirt

#45 QUEST WEAR: just to add on

#44 QUEST for ABDC, QUEST ftw!

#43 here it comes.

#42 1 Peter 4:8

#41 Go Ryan!

#40 The Physics of Starlight

#39 Chinatown 11-Jan

#38 [this is so not an ADV] Rasa Jakarta Soft Opening!!

#37

#36 da book. & DA MANNN

#35 Always count your blessings // Pantry Revolution

#34 blessed day. despite some torturings which i can't conveniently share.

#33 Please don't let my eyes get the best of me.

#32 simply thankful =) staying at KPC!

#31 Happy 19th, Jing Jing!

#30 yesterday i had yet another round of b'day celebration.

#29 colours are made to be different.

#28 put it behind me. maybe i can change.

#27 oh no

#26 what does december mean to you?

#25 I cried... but time will fade everything.

#24 i can count the number of friends i have in jc with 1 hand

#23 in the east

#22 i would have given him the moon...

#21 look, another potential t-rex club member

#20 everyday, i tell myself that i don't care about these things

#19 officially back in T-Rex club.

#18 friends of SGH appreciation dinner

#17 why do i sound like a cynic?!?!?

#16 doughnut biscuit. and a body of lies.

#15 disappointing...

#14 my life revolves around food?!?!?!

#38 little bee. 嗡嗡嗡

#12 Love Our Angels

#58 Ryan! blah blah blah. squeaks