I used to be really curious about the various blog services which are available for free, like Blogspot, Xanga, Freeopendiary, Wordpress, Ebloggy, Typepad, Tumblr, Livejournal, Blogdrive, Posterous, etc. There are just so many that it’s mind-bogging! On top of that, social networking sites (like Facebook) allow you to post entries (e.g. “Notes”) which are not unlike blog posts and Myspace also has blog service as part of the package. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve relocated my blog over the years. Even at Blogspot itself, I’ve probably changed my blog name more than 20 times. I bet some of you can still remember the more recent ones like “fatblogslim”, “bgirl-glowiee”, “tofubling”, “lil-ms-trashy” and “robopixi”. It’s simply crazy!

 But I’m done with my nonsense. I’m settling down right here, I promise, and I’m consolidating all the random stuffs I’ve left all over the place! So from now on, expect super regular updates of ultra original material from me.
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do not read if you haven’t known me for more than 2 years:

I have a simple confession to make! That is I’ve been feigning ignorant for a very long time. If I ever came across as confrontational to some of you, trust me when I say that’s just the tip of the iceberg. It’s really nothing compared to the shit which I could sense was going on behind my back.

Too often I ended up staring into blank space and walking around in a daze, consumed by angry thoughts, wondering WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP ME IN THE DARK AND BELIEVE IT’S THE BEST FOR ME, WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP ME IN THE DARK BELIEVING IT’S THE BEST FOR ME, WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP ME IN THE DARK BELIEVING IT’S THE BEST FOR ME!!!!!?????

And I wonder all the time, “is it my fault?”

I tried to cook up excuses for them, like, “maybe they know that I know”, “perhaps they think I am as stupid as I look”, and “it might be that they were traumatised by the previous violent tendencies I’ve displayed.”

RIGHT.

Now I know that they have simply chosen the easy way out. THEY KEPT ME IN THE DARK BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT HOW I WOULD FEEL. They just wanted to manipulate me into behaving in such a way that would complement their screwed up lives.

I won’t let it happen again.

TO EVERYONE READING THIS: BEING KEPT IN THE DARK (AND FINDING OUT ABOUT IT) IS A MILLION TIMES WORSE THAN BEING TOLD A FLAT-OUT LIE. DON’T DO IT.

SO WHAT IF I’VE CHANGED. I’ve changed for the better. Oh, I’m so sorry that I’ve changed for the better! I’m sorry that I’m more mellowed down, and trying hard to be humble, I’m sorry that people who are genuine and sincere have come along and loved me and moved me into wanting to be better, I know you think I don’t deserve it! Why am I such a lucky B****!?

Don’t worry though, because the angry daredevil, that monster that you liked so much, is still inside me. I’ve tamed it but it’s still inside and this side of me has been reserved to write this specially for you. Do you like what you’ve read so far? ;) KNOW WHAT? YOU SHOULD BE THANKFUL THAT I TRY AND WANT TO PLEASE GOD, BECAUSE FOR HIM I MAY FIND IT IN MYSELF TO FORGIVE YOU ONE DAY.

BUT I WOULD RATHER FORGET YOU. I BET THAT WOULD BE TEN THOUSAND TIMES EASIER.

I’ve cried many times when talking about you. You are definitely not worth it, considering you’re the lousiest friend ever, but thanks for the lesson!